Gamechanger
by Emmie D
Summary: The BAU works a case that will be a gamechanger for JJ in many ways (and not just for her). She's finally forced to face her trauma after ep.200, meets a charming detective and finds a welcome & unwelcome guest in her bedroom, and what's up with Hotch? When the case takes a turn for the worse will they be able to bring it to a good ending? Mainly JJ/Hotch (but rest of team as well)
1. Prologue - the contemplation of a friend

**A/N: I am really excited to write this story :) And have already written a couple of chapters. So I really hope you like it as well ^^ And I hope you'll take the time to review (even just a word to know someone's reading it XD) it's really appreciated and heartwarming.**

**Summary:  
>The BAU works a case that will be a gamechanger for JJ in many ways (and not just for her). She's finally forced to face her trauma after ep.200, meets a charming detective and finds a welcome &amp; unwelcome guest in her bedroom, and what's up with Hotch? When the case takes a turn for the worse will they be able to bring it to a good ending?<br>Mainly JJ/Hotch (but also the rest of team). **

**For the JJ and Hotch fans out there bear with me ;)**

_Prologue- The contemplation of a friend_

Penelope Garcia, the wonderfully talented technical analyst at the BAU, was not having a good day. She stared at the pictures of dead women on her screen, and it was in times like these that she kept wondering how JJ had managed to do this all these years. She felt a lump in her throat while here happy mojo vanished into nothingness. She hated it when her happy mojo was gone.  
>She scrolled downwards. Hollow eyes of the dead bodies were staring back at her. All blonde women, with their throats cut. Women that had gone missing for a few days and ended up dead in deserted areas. Just perfectly normal women, with normal jobs and normal families that loved them. She felt for them, those poor families from whom their daughter, sister, mother, partner was taken and returned abused and murdered. Garcia knew how that felt from experience. She once again thought about her friend JJ, when she was abducted. The memory still brought shivers down her spine.<br>She had felt so powerless when those men got her, knowing that she was being tortured, possibly raped and then murdered. The overwhelming anxiety had left its traces in her heart. She just knew it had.  
>But JJ on the other hand seemed seemingly normal. She returned to work after only 2 weeks recovery, ready to take on all the different cases. She never spoke about what had happened to her and every time Garcia carefully brought up the subject of how she was doing, JJ would interrupt her with a "Penelope I'm fine". And maybe she was. The scary part was that Garcia honestly couldn't tell anymore. Her friend use to be a lot more sensitive, but now it was like nothing could really get to her anymore.<br>Was it because of all those years watching pictures of dead man and women like the ones in front of her now? That thought terrified Garcia. She loved her job, but she never wanted this job to change her in that way. She didn't want to become out of touch with her feelings, numb. She wanted to feel and live, even if it meant getting hurt. But some of the hurt that her team, her family, had went through, was almost too much to bear for a human being.  
>That's how Penelope Garcia sat there, alone in the dark room that was only lit by her screens, contemplating the lives of others and of her own.<p> 


	2. Ch 1 - The case

_The case_

The sunbeams were barely touching the surface Quantico, when JJ walked with a fast pace in the cold building. She was late, something very out of character for her. She had a hard time sleeping last night, and almost missed Garcia's call about another case. She heard her own footsteps echoing in the hallway.  
>When she reached the conference room, all the members of her team were already there. Everybody sat on the chairs, their eyelids heavy.<br>Reid looked like he hadn't even combed his hair yet.  
>Their heads turned around when the blonde agent walked in. Rossi raised an eyebrow.<br>"Sorry I'm late" she apologized.  
>"Morning" groaned Derek.<br>"Yeah, morning" she replied.  
>Derek handed her a coffee and give her a look that said 'you'll gonna need this'.<br>She smiled back in gratitude.  
>"Alright my lovelies, I know everybody is really tired but settle in because this is going to be a crazy ride" their beloved tech analyst was as always a bit hyper.<br>The screen in front of them lit up and gruesome pictures appeared of young, blonde women tied up and with their throats cut.  
>"These are the pictures of young Katarina Mills, Jennifer Long, Loraine Davis and Cyndi Peyton. All found dead within the last 4 months in their hometown in Alaska . All appear to been taken hostage a day or two in which they've been sexually assaulted, murdered and dumped in mostly abundant places. They have been taken mostly at night, within a couple weeks from in each other. There are no known connections between them and the CSI team couldn't find any DNA or valuable traces from their killer. Last night a possible fourth victim was taken; Miranda Benton."<br>A picture of a blonde woman, late twenties, begin thirties appeared on the screen.  
>JJ felt a knot in her stomach from the waterfall of Garcia's words. She saw the pictures of the women, their blonde hair partially covering their faces, a red mark on the throat.<br>"So we got a serial killer that abducts and kills quickly. Apparently quite efficiently as well. So this Unsub must have had experience in organizing and executing crimes. Were there any reports of comparable sexual assaults or abuse?" Rossi asked.  
>"Sadly yes, I looked at reports from the last 5 years but I have to say nothing really popped out. There were 2 reports from women against their husbands and 3 reports of women but none of them resemble the victims we have now. None of them had blonde hair, and 2 of the victims were already in their forties. Also 3 of the men that have been accused are now in prison" Penelope answered.<br>"So either the Unsub isn't from around there and we much search in nearby area's for any similar reports or this Unsub kept under the radar for a very long time" Hotch said.  
>"You mean that there are possible victims out there that haven't reported their assault?" JJ asked with her pokerface on.<br>"That's possible" Hotch nodded.  
>"Garcia, can you tell us a little bit more about the town?" Reid asked.<br>"Well you remember the last time we went to Alaska?" Garcia certainly hadn't forgotten, it was there that she saw a man dying in her arms. The image still haunted her sometimes. "The small town, surrounded by woods and water, cold, and which we could only reach by seaplane, we had no reception..."  
>The team simultaneously gave her a nod. Yeah, they'd remembered, it was the one-way-in- no-way-out town.<br>"Well picture that, only than bigger" Garcia showed them some photo's of the town.  
>"What can you tell us about the latest victim?" JJ asked, avoiding to say Miranda's name out loud.<br>"Yes Miranda Benton, 29 years old" the picture of Miranda reappeared on the screen, she smiled for the camera, her blue eyes piercing in JJ's face "she was possibly abducted last night. Her husband Jeremy Benton reported her missing this morning, claiming that she never came home after a girls night at a friend's house. She works in the local store where she sells fruit and vegetables. Parents are both diseased and she has no siblings. Her husband claims they have a good marriage and it's very unlike Miranda to stay away or not check in."  
>Rossi stared at the picture.<br>"Well" he said slowly "if this Unsub has Miranda we've got a couple of days to find her."  
>"Then we better get going" Hotch added "wheels up in 20." <p>


	3. Ch 2- Winks, dimples and a lot of coffee

_Winks, dimples and a lot of coffee_

The plane was flying through the clouds, the water sticking on the windows.  
>All of them were busy reading the files from the detectives.<br>Reid was the only one that seemed to be reading 3 files simultaneously. His eyes skipped from a page in one file to another page in the other file.  
>Hotch was the one breaking the silence.<br>"When we land in a minute I want Rossi and Derek to go interview Jeremy Benton" Derek and Rossi quickly exchanged a look as they silently agreed with their boss "Reid I want you to look at the geographical map, see if there are any similar crimes in the area. This Unsub must've got his experience from somewhere, you don't become that efficient overnight. JJ, you and I go see the local authorities, we'll talk with the detectives."  
>JJ gave her boss a slight nod.<br>With Blake leaving they felt one man short and that didn't do any good for their work load. Soon a woman was to join the team, but in the meantime JJ felt a bit lonely as the only woman in the field surrounded by all the testosterone. It wasn't that she didn't like the guys, or that she didn't have fun with them, but still it was different. She thought about Emily, man she really missed her at times.  
>The team fastened their seatbelts and the plain started descending. Rossi closed his eyes. He nervously started to feel his chin when the plane shook a little.<p>

When they'd landed the local authorities already provided some vehicles. JJ took her place in the passenger seat and Hotch behind the wheel. It was a drive of 15 minutes before they reached the police station. Just like the last time in Alaska it was a small building. They were greeted by an older, friendly looking detective named Jackson.  
>"We're so glad to have you here" he said while giving the both of them a firm handshake, "please let me introduce you to detective Morris."<br>They walked together down the narrow corridor which lead to an old office. Jackson knocked 2 times, but didn't wait for an answer to open the door.  
>In the seat behind the desk sat a very good looking young man, JJ estimated his age to be approximately the same as hers. His brown hair peeked a little and he had a little bit of a beard, a little bit longer than a stubble beard, that suited him very well. His green eyes met hers, while he quickly rose out of his chair and shook her hand.<br>"Hi, Cal Morris" he said with a slight southern accent in it.  
>"Hai, I'm Jennifer Jareau, you can call me JJ if you like. And this is special agent Hotchner. The rest of our team is in the field, but we will introduce you to them later" JJ said.<br>"Glad you guys came. This case is really making us desperate. Last night another woman has been abducted" he shook his head.  
>JJ couldn't take her eyes of him, even tired he looked really handsome.<br>"We are going to do everything we can to help you" Hotch said, something that was obviously appreciated by det. Morris.  
>He managed to give them both a faint smile.<br>"Well let me show you guys what we got so far then, please take a seat" he gestured at the chairs in front of the desk.  
>They went over all the information with the detective. They talked about the victims, the families, the towns, the MO, the suspects, the interviews that the detectives had conducted. They talked for over two hours when Reid joined them. Shortly afterwards they were also joined by Morgan and Rossi. They sat down all together and worked the whole evening.<br>Morgan, Rossi and Hotch were working on victimology, while Reid was working on a geographical profile. JJ was calling Garcia asking her to look into the surrounding area's for any other victims.  
>When she hung up the phone, she felt suddenly how tired her body was. She didn't get much sleep and she knew that would probably not get much sleep tonight. Not with a race against the clock.<p>

She walked to the coffee machine and got herself an espresso. She glanced down the small corridor, at the other end of it she saw detective Morris leaning against the wall. She decided that she wasn't the only one in need for some caffeine.  
>With one coffee and one espresso she walked over to him.<br>"Here" she handed him the coffee and he rewarded her with a little smile.  
>"Thanks."<br>"How long have you been up?" she asked.  
>He couldn't help but sigh.<br>"A bit too long" his faint smile disappeared "I can't sleep knowing that women in my town, in my jurisdiction, are suddenly vanishing and turning up dead. And the Unsub or Unsubs are gone without even leaving a trace."  
>He looked at his coffee avoiding eyecontact.<br>JJ's heart melted a bit, seeing how much he cared for these women and how he felt that he failed them.  
>"Hey" she said soothing "we won't stop until we get him, I promise you. We will do everything we can."<br>He looked at her with a little spark in his eyes that she hadn't noticed before. An appreciative spark. His smile grew a bit bigger, which caused dimples in his cheeks.  
>"Something tells me that you're quite some kick-ass, aren't you?" he said.<br>JJ felt her cheeks turning a bit red.  
>He saved her the trouble of having to come up with an appropriate answer by adding "well I guess as a woman you should be when you're surrounded by all these men" he give a little nod to the rest of her team.<br>JJ couldn't help but laugh.  
>"It doesn't hurt" she said very diplomatic.<br>He gave her a small wink as if he wanted to say 'good answer'.  
>JJ felt her heart jump a little bit.<br>"JJ?" Hotch was walking towards them, with a frown on his face.  
>Suddenly JJ felt like she was caught. She turned around quickly.<br>"Yes?" she tried to keep her voice neutral.  
>"Care to join us?" he asked raising an eyebrow.<br>"Of course" she said slightly embarrassed. 

At the end of the day they had made a timeline and came up with a very preliminary profile.  
>"So what do we know so far?" Morris asked Hotch.<br>"We know that it the Unsub is a white male that targets a specific type, namely blonde women in their late twenties and thirties. He has obviously a connection to them, perhaps a the women remind him of a rejected lover or it could even remind him of his mom. Someone who has most likely hurt him. Garcia is looking as we speak to any incidents, domestic violence, children that were placed in foster care, bad fights etc. We also know from the geographic profile that he's very mobile and that he is likely in the possession of a little van. We're also dealing with a psychopath, someone that knows right from wrong very well but who doesn't feel any remorse in killing and assaulting these women. He probably didn't grow up here and is most likely a lot on the move. He drains the patience of people in his environment, and when people can't take it anymore he moves. But yet he feels familiar enough in this environment, which indicates experience and preparation."  
>Hotch was interrupted by the sound of Derek's phone.<br>"Yeah babygirl, you're on speaker" he said. JJ quickly looked over to Cal to see how he'd react to the 'babygirl'. He looked back at her with a grin on his face, one that JJ returned.  
>"Hello my crime fighters" Garcia's voice filled the room "so I looked in the surrounding area's to search for any reports that match our case. And bingo! 2 years ago 27-year old Amanda was blindfolded and then sexually assaulted after someone broke in to her home. She was never able to identify her attacker. This was two towns from here."<br>Rossi eyed Morgan.  
>"Babygirl can you sent us the address? We would like to visit her" Derek asked.<br>"Yep, I've sent it to your phones."  
>"Thanks Garcia" and with that he hung up.<br>"Guess we'll pay her a visit" Rossi grabbed his jacket.  
>"Dave" Hotch took a few steps towards them "please bring your bags with you, it's too far to also drive all the way back. You'll have to find some place to sleep."<br>"I know some motels, I can give you a map if you like" Cal offered.  
>"Thank you, but our technical analyst can sent us a few addresses" Derek kindly declined.<br>"Okay, drive safe" he said.

With Morgan and Rossi on the road, the remaining team members kept working on information for a couple of hours. JJ could feel the heaviness of the sleep deprivation nestle itself in her body. She could barely keep her eyes open. She looked over to the men, all seemed a bit pale from the tiredness. She knew it was pointless to keep on working. The fact was that the just needed more information, information that they didn't have right now. But she also remembered her promise to detective Morris that they would do everything they could to catch this man. And because of that she didn't want to be the one offering to go to sleep, leaving Cal behind who would probably stay to work a little while longer.  
>She was almost relieved to hear the deep sigh of Hotch.<br>"Well at this point we've examined all the information we have right now. We need to wait on the information of Morgan and Rossi and see if Garcia is able to find any new information in the phones and computers of the victims. In the morning we can set up a press conference, but for now I think that it's better if the rest of us get some sleep so we can start fresh tomorrow."  
>Cal looked like he was about to protest but changed his mind and then silently agreed.<br>JJ gently placed a hand on his shoulder.  
>"We will need the energy to solve this case. If any of our members finds something important we will contact you right away" she said softly.<br>He looked at her.  
>"Thank you JJ".<p> 


	4. Ch 3 - A night at the lodge

**A/N: thank you guys for your sweet support :) for the reviews and the fact that some are following this story, hope you will like the next chapter ^^**

_A night at the lodge_

With the orders from detective Morris and detective Jackson an officer escorted Hotch, JJ and Reid to the local lodge. It was a small wooden building with only three rooms. It triggered memories from the last time they went to Alaska and winded up in the same situation where they had to double up.  
>They smiled at each other as an acknowledgement that they all remembered that.<br>This time however they could postpone the issue until Morgan and Rossi would come back.  
>JJ was so tired that even her bag felt ten times more heavy. She lost her coordination for a moment and nearly bumped into Reid.<br>Hotch rushed a bit towards her.  
>"Here let me" he gently but decisively took over JJ's bag.<br>She gave him a little smile.  
>Without speaking they took the stairs to their rooms. Hotch followed JJ into hers were he placed her bag next to her bed.<br>He looked at her and for a moment JJ thought he was going to say something. But he produced a weak, tired smile and told her goodnight before disappearing in the room next to her.

She took her shoes off and gathered the energy to change her clothes, but she was too tired to brush her teeth and crawled under the warm blankets.  
>She let her mind drift away.<br>_Miranda was looking at her. Her smile still on her face and her eyes wide open.  
>"You know, it's okay I can wait a little while longer. A really don't mind" she said.<br>JJ couldn't understand why she would say something like that..  
>"But we need to free you! We need to catch the man that is hurting you!" she yelled at her, trying to make her see that none of this was okay.<br>"Oh no really! Don't rush yourself, take your time, I'm fine" her blue eyes stared into those of JJ's.  
>Suddenly they were both in a cellar with a light bulb dangling on the ceiling. Miranda was still staring at her but her hands were tied up and t<em>_he chains around her hands were attached to the ceiling. JJ felt the panic grow inside of her.  
>"We need to get you out of her now!" she hissed.<br>She started to work on the chains, but she had no tools to free Miranda.  
>Suddenly Miranda started bursting out:<br>"I AM HERE! SHE IS HERE!"  
>JJ was so in shock, that it took her a second to react.<br>"What are you doing? Don't! He is going to hear you" she said in panic.  
>"WE ARE HERE!" Miranda kept on shouting.<br>"Shhshshh" JJ started hushing, but it was already too late. Behind them a door swung open.  
>JJ quickly turned around and saw the Unsub approaching, but she couldn't make out his face.<br>She turned back to Miranda, but she had vanished.  
>Confused she started wondering if Miranda had made it out in time. The Unsub kept coming closer. JJ wanted to run, but something was holding her back. Suddenly she realized that she couldn't move her arms. She looked up and saw that the chains were now around her hands.<br>"No, no, no" the panic was overwhelming.  
>The Unsub kept coming closer and closer. Then he stood still, right in front of her.<br>His hand reached out to JJ's stomach and he slowly lifted her shirt.  
>"You have no idea how long I thought about doing this" she heard a deep manly voice say. A voice she recognized.<br>She looked up to his eyes and a shock was sent down her body.  
>Hastings..<em>

With a scream she woke up, that she immediately lowered by pressing her own hand on her mouth.  
>She looked around in the room, she was just at the lodge, it was okay, there was no Hastings and there were no chains. Her breathing was fast and heavy, but slowly became regular again.<br>She wiped the sweat from her forehead and prayed that no one had hear her scream. She sat there quietly listening if she could hear Hotch or Reid. But thankfully she didn't wake them. She turned on the lamp on the night stand and looked at the time, 5:03.  
>Great, she only had slept a couple of hours, but she might as well get up now since the rest of the team had set there alarms at 6.<br>She got out of bed, feeling as tired as when she got into it, and put on some warm clothes. She brushed her hair and decided she needed some fresh air.

The night was still very dark and cold. But the stars were very clear and it immediately calmed her down.  
>She took a couple of deep breaths, let the oxygen flow into her lungs and blood and brain.<br>JJ crossed her arms around her chest, as if she was embracing herself.  
>Questions that she didn't want to give any thought, kept on pressing in her mind. It was the first time since her own abduction that she had dreamt about Hastings. What did that mean?<br>Would nightmares like this come back?  
>She barely could handle that thought. She was not becoming a victim! Not again. She was a FBI agent for crying out loud.<br>She was doing fine! She had healed and was delivering good work at her job. She was fine.  
>JJ kept repeating those words for herself, like a mantra, until she was completely calmed down. She decided to go for a little stroll.<br>She heard the leafs underneath her feet crack a little and heard the sound of an owl somewhere up in a tree.  
>The night was really as beautiful as the day, if not more beautiful.<br>She reached for her phone to check the time but all she felt were empty pockets.  
>'Urgh JJ' she could hit herself.<br>She better return to the lodge before Hotch or Reid found out she wasn't in her room.  
>The moment she wanted to make her way back, she heard something behind her.<br>She turned around quickly. There was definitely movement in those bushes. Instinctively she took a few steps back, but hesitated. Should she take a look?  
>Suddenly she felt something heavy on her shoulder.<br>She swirled around, and found a man standing in front of her. But in the dark she couldn't see who he was.  
>She was about to scream and punch when she heard Hotch's voice say: "JJ?"<br>Just in time she could suppress her scream. She scraped her voice: "Hotch?"  
>"What are you doing here? " even though she couldn't see a thing, she knew that Hotch had a deep frown on his face right now.<br>She wanted to joke 'looking for you' but that wouldn't be a smart idea, so she decided to stick with the truth.  
>"I was just going for some air" she said, trying to bring it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.<br>"I don't like it when some of us wander off not telling where they are going. Especially not in the middle of the night!" his voice sounded angry, pointing out that she was part of a team and she should act more responsible than this.  
>"I'm sorry Hotch" she felt very small and for a moment she considered him telling about her nightmare.<br>But that moment passed.  
>"Let's get inside, before Reid wakes up" his voice still sounded angry, and she could tell that he only let this go for now.<br>They walked back together. JJ weighed to tell Hotch about what she heard in the bushes. But telling him she thought that there could be someone in those woods would only further emphasize her own irresponsibility. And at the same time it might as well just have been an animal.  
>She rephrased that in her head: It most likely was just an animal! And she was overreacting because of her nightmare.<br>Yet, she saw Hotch looking over his shoulder a couple of times, staying close to her.  
>When they reached to lodge JJ couldn't help but feel like a teenager that had sneaked away and was escorted back by an angry father.<br>Hotch barely looked at her as he locked the front door. Tension and anger were still visibly in his face.  
>"Hotch.." she collected the courage to speak again "I do am very sorry.."<br>She could see how his face relaxed a little.  
>"I still don't quite understand why you.." he was interrupted by Reid coming down the stairs.<br>"Hey, everyone is up already!" he said energetically and cheerfully, as always oblivious to the situation around him "mostly I am the first one to be ready, or wait..., did we agreed to set the alarms at 5:30?"  
>"No Reid, 6 it is, but you got to be last at least once in your life" Hotch said dead serious, causing Reid to look a little disappointed.<br>JJ looked over at Hotch and she could swear that she saw the corners of his mouth curl up a bit.


	5. Ch 4 - Questions and answers

**A/N: Again thanks everyone for taking the time & effort to review :) they are really nice and heartwarming. I realize that the chapters are a bit short perhaps but I hope you can forgive me (more to follow soon). And I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter :)**

_Questions and answers_

There was a question on JJ's mind that she didn't dare to ask.  
>How did Hotch knew that she wasn't in her room? Had he knocked on her door? But if she didn't answer, he would probably assume she was asleep right? So she couldn't imagine that he would just be so rude to come in. Or he must've knocked several times and then came in, that she could imagine, but wouldn't Reid have woken up? And why would he knock on her door? What question could he have for her?<br>She was staring at her boss who concentrated on reading the local newspaper. She felt stupid that while she had to focus on Miranda she was thinking about something so unimportant, but still she couldn't let it go.  
>Cal joined her with more energy than yesterday. At least he got some good night rest, she thought.<br>"How did you sleep?" she asked.  
>"Like a baby" he grinned "and when I woke up I felt guilty about it."<br>JJ shook her head.  
>"Don't, we are useless when we walk around like zombies."<br>"I know, it's just difficult" he said and she confirmed.  
>The sound of the door made their heads turn.<br>Morgan and Rossi entered, both looking pretty exhausted.  
>Hotch quickly put the paper down and was about to ask how it went, but Cal beat him to it: "Did you find anything?" he said rushing towards them.<br>Hotch closed his mouth again and JJ thought she saw some irritation towards the handsome detective.  
>"Well the statements of Amanda were definitely useful, we think there's a good change it's the same Unsub" Derek said.<br>"What makes you say that?" the detective asked.  
>"Because of the behavior of the attacker. Arrogant, in control, no regard for Amanda and also very organized. Plus she stated that he'd put a knife on her throat, threatening her to keep her mouth shut" Rossi explained.<br>"Good work" Hotch said "did they retain any DNA from back then?"  
>"No, nothing, the Unsub left no traces at the scene" Morgan answered.<br>"How can someone execute a crime so flawlessly?" Cal wondered out loud.  
>"Through discipline, experience and knowledge" JJ said "and we need to find out where he gained those three."<br>"He did make mistakes in the past, he must have and we will find them" Hotch added.

It was again a day with lots of work.  
>Since the Unsub abducted these women quickly after one another, the BAU advised the detective that it was most likely he had a hiding place in the area, a secluded place that he could return to. Reid got the map and pointed out some areas worth investigating. But it was a tough job to not find any secluded places in a town like this. Detective Jackson and Morris sent different search teams to the different areas appointed by Reid. Rossi went to speak with the coroner to see if there were any hints they might've mist. Any dust or traces on the bodies that could give away the hiding places.<br>Garcia kept digging in the records of the victims and the townspeople in this town and the town nearby.  
>JJ felt a growing need for sunlight and fresh air. It was as if Cal read her mind.<br>"Hey JJ, you mind joining me for a field trip?" he asked her, causing Hotch to look up.  
>"What did you have in my mind?" she asked.<br>"Well I wanted to drive the route that Miranda took from her friend's house to home, the route where she somewhere was abducted" he said with Hotch's eyes piercing in their backs, "maybe a profiler sees something that I missed before".  
>She glanced over at Hotch, finally he gave her a somewhat irritated nod, though she couldn't quite figure out why. Was he still mad at her?<br>"Uhm yes, sure, let me grab my coat."

She couldn't deny that it was fun to be with Cal in the car, she also couldn't deny the slight sensation of butterflies every time he said something witty and smiled at her. She wished that Emily was here, she would've loved this.  
>"So Cal, are you married?" as soon as that question came to mind she had blurted it out. Shocked by her own bluntness, she carefully looked sideways.<br>He started blushing a little, then scraped his throat.  
>"Nah, I don't know if marriage is really my thing. Not that I can't commit to a serious relationship, but I kind of feel married to my job you know?" he said, seeking her understanding.<br>"Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry if I was rude" she said embarrassed to have brought up such a private matter.  
>"Oh hey, don't worry about it. It's nice to talk about it with someone that understands. So are you in a relationship?" he asked.<br>This time it was JJ's turn to blush a little.  
>"No, I came out of a bad relation and now I really just want to focus on work. I mean I'm not searching for love and if it comes than that's great but if it doesn't... well I'm happy either way" she said not knowing if she was speaking the truth. To be honest the thought of intimacy scared her. The first thing that she saw was Hastings face only inches away from hers. It caused her some chills.<br>Cal must have noticed the change.  
>"Are you alright?" he asked concerned.<br>"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" JJ's usual answer.  
>"Hmm fine, yeah right" Cal puffed in disbelief "believe me, if there is one thing that I learned, is that a woman is never fine when she says she is."<br>Without wanting to JJ's face broke into a smile.  
>He looked at her and joined her in the laugh, showing his dimples again.<br>"I'll tell you what, once this case is over I'll buy you a drink and you can talk about whatever you want, but you can't use the word 'fine', deal?" he said charmingly.  
>She hesitated for a moment, were they stepping out of line? He did mention after this case, that meant after work was done..<br>"Deal."


	6. Ch 5 - The unwanted message

**Thanks again for all you guys who are following this story 3  
><strong> 

_The unwanted message_

"So here is where we found Miranda's vehicle" Cal parked the car on the side of a small road surrounded by trees and with beautiful mountains in the background.  
>"Well it's a logical place to abduct someone, it's sheltered, secluded and it doesn't seem like a busy road" JJ looked around trying to imagine driving down this road alone "I read in the reports that there was no damage to the car?"<br>"No, the car was in perfect condition. No scratches, no traces. Why? What are you thinking?" Cal asked.  
>"Well, how did the Unsub reach her? He must've made her stop. When she drove back it was late and dark. Why would a woman stop for anyone on such a deserted road?" she saw a frown appear on Cal's forehead.<br>"Okay, let's brainstorm and say everything that comes to mind" he said "hitchhiker?"  
>"Hmm kind of risky. There is a big chance that women don't pick him up and when those women find out that other women are being abducted they might report seeing the hitchhiker to the police. Our Unsub is too efficient and organized to want to take that risk" JJ explained.<br>Cal nodded.  
>"Yeah" he said slowly "so he would have made pretty sure that the women would stop.. he could've physically forced them to stop by blocking the road somehow.."<br>"And at the same time he didn't want to alarm the women so he had to come across as innocent" JJ added.  
>Cal stroke his chin.<br>"Perhaps he was pretending that his car broke down and parked him at a spot that the women couldn't pass him."  
>JJ agreed, that could certainly be an option.<br>She let her eyes follow the asphalt of the road.  
>"He targeted these women, they were no victims of opportunity, so that means that he followed them, got to know their routines, their routes. You're sure that Jeremy Benton didn't see anything out of the ordinary? An unfamiliar van parked in their street?" JJ asked.<br>"Why don't you asked him yourself?" Cal gave a nod in the opposite direction, causing JJ to turn around to see a car heading their way.  
>The car stopped and drove to the side of the road to park.<br>A small man with black hair and thick glasses stepped out of it. He looked distressed as he walked towards them.  
>Cal reached out his arm.<br>"Jeremy!" he said while quickly shaken his hand.  
>"Cal, I was just heading to the station, I'm losing my mind, I can't just sit around, waiting for some news" he spoke fast and chaotic, ignoring the presence of JJ.<br>Cal carefully placed his hand on his shoulder.  
>"I understand" he said, empathy drained in his voice "please let me introduce you to FBI agent Jareau. They flew in all the way from Quantico to help us find Miranda. We're doing everything we can."<br>It was the first time Jeremy looked at the agent, as if he was almost surprised that she was there. He gave her a faint handshake. Then in the middle of the shake he froze, his eyes scanning her.  
>JJ felt awfully self aware of her blonde hair and blue eyes.<br>She knew that right now she must've reminded him of Miranda. He quickly let go of her hand.  
>"Why uhm don't we all drive back to the station, I'll let you know what the search teams are doing" Cal intervened, sensing what was going on.<br>But Jeremy's eyes were already watering as he had a hard time taking them off JJ.  
>"Jeremy" the detective called his name.<br>He glanced over to Cal.  
>"I can't, I can't, I can't live without.." he choked up and started crying.<br>Cal started swallowing heavily, then took a step forwards and did something JJ rarely saw a man do; he embraced him, holding him on his feet as Jeremy looked like he could collapse any time.  
>"We're going to do everything we can Jeremy, I promise" he said softly and looked at JJ, concern written all over his face.<br>"JJ" he whispered to her "could you drive back in mister Benton's car? Then I'll take him with me in the car."  
>"Sure" she whispered back, still a bit in shock.<p>

Back at the station she was greeted by Hotch walking towards them. He had a look in his eyes that JJ couldn't place, his eyes going back and forth to JJ and Cal.  
>Before he could say something, JJ quickly introduced their guest.<br>"Hotch, this is Jeremy Benton, Miranda's husband."  
>Hotch looked at the broken man and shook his hand.<br>"I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances mr. Benton, I'm special agent Hotchner from the BAU" he said.  
>Jeremy stared at him with hollow eyes.<br>"Mister Benton, I wanted to ask you something" Hotch carefully proceeded "I know that this must be all very hard on you, but if you're up to it I would like you to do a press conference."  
>Hotch looked over at JJ, she knew that he wanted her to help prep Jeremy, but him being around her wouldn't be a good idea. She silently warned him with her eyes, hoping that he would get it. And sharp as always he did.<br>"I will explain to you inside what I mean by that and I will guide you through it" Hotch said, changing his words.  
>Mr. Benton looked confused but open to the idea, JJ felt that he wanted to do anything that he could to contribute.<br>The day went by. Mister Benton did the press conference trying to personalize Miranda, in the very slightly change the Unsub would see it and refrain himself from killing her. The search teams searched all night long but didn't find anything, eventually Cal Morris joined them. Garcia and Reid kept checking for suitable locations where Miranda could be held. Morgan and Rossi were looking at the newest inhabitants of the town, giving the possibility that the Unsub was transient. They all felt time ticking away which made them slightly nervous and frustrated.  
>JJ walked over to Hotch.<br>"How did the press conference go?"  
>Hotch's answer was interrupted by a police officer.<br>"Agent Hotchner?" This was delivered to your team" he handed over a brown envelope with the letters F.B.I. on it.  
>A suspicious look appeared on Hotch's face.<p>

"Who gave this to you?" he asked sharply while opening the envelope.  
>"It came with the mail, the mailman delivered it" the young police officer became nervous, sensing that there was something wrong.<br>"Why am I receiving this so late?"  
>"We checked it late, sorry sir" the police officer said embarrassed.<br>Hotch read the note that was inside and JJ could see anger manifest in his eyes.  
>"Run this envelope for DNA traces" he almost hissed.<br>"Hotch what's wrong?" she could hear her own distress.  
>He handed over the note without saying a word.<br>JJ looked at four words on the paper: _you are too late_.


	7. CH 6 - We found her

**A/N: I wanted to update sooner but I got ill.. brr.. autumn time. Thnx again for the reviews, they're really a big motivator. So for now this little chapter, but more to follow soon :)**

_We found her_

They sat silently at the round table staring at the note.  
>Rossi was the first to break the silence: "he is taunting us."<br>"He is showing us who's got the power, it's pure power display" Derek added.  
>JJ kept seeing Jeremy's face while his words were echoing in her mind <em>'I can't, I can't, I can't live without..' <em>  
>"And he is right" Hotch said discouraged "right now he has all the power. We may have the profile but this time, this night, it's not enough to catch him."<br>Those words floated in the air. JJ had never seen Hotch this discouraged. But he was being realistic, they all have felt it, but none had said it.  
>Reid nervously looked at the members of his team, waiting for someone to break the tension.<br>JJ sighed loudly and buried her face in her hands.  
>The image of Jeremy was replaced by Cal. She thought about how the hardworking, caring detective would react when they showed him this message. She felt a twinge in her heart. He was so glad that the BAU team had arrived to help him find Miranda, and now this note came, directly addressed to them as if they not only didn't help find Miranda but also provoked the Unsub. They'd failed the detective. And worse they'd failed Miranda.<br>Then Cal's face disappeared from her mind, and yet another face appeared, one face that she'd dreaded the most, the face of Hastings. JJ remembered how his henchman slowly walked towards her, a long, sharp knife in his hands, while the only thing she could do was hang there waiting for him to stab her. She was seconds away from death. Then the shot came, the shot that saved her. She looked up and stared into the eyes of her savior, her boss.  
>"Hotch!" she said with a sudden shock "we can't think like that, we have to assume she's still out there, alive, we have to try."<br>All men were looking at her. Everyone knew that it was too late. JJ could almost hear them weighing if they should try to reason with her or agree with her.  
>Hotch looked at her, his gaze intensive as if he tried to read her mind.<br>Then he gave her a decisive nod.  
>"Okay, Reid look again at the places where the previous bodies were recovered, he most likely dumped then far away from his hiding place. Circle those places, we can cross them off our list. Then cross off the places where the search teams have already searched. Look at the remaining places and make an educated guess which place to search next. Morgan join him."<br>Both men stood up without arguing or mentioning that it had already grown too dark to search.  
>"JJ, is mister Benton still here?" Hotch turned towards the blonde agent.<br>"Yes, he is in detective Morris his office, he wouldn't want to leave" she said.  
>Hotch took a deep breath.<br>"Okay, well I guess I'll inform detective Morris about the message we received" taking the ungrateful task on his plate.  
>He grabbed his phone to dial the number but he could've saved himself the effort.<br>Cal Morris entered the room, his face awfully pale and his hair a mess.  
>Instinctively JJ took a few steps towards him as she tried to catch his eyes.<br>His voice sounded weird and mechanically when he said it:  
>"We found her."<p> 


	8. Ch 7 - The intruder?

**A/N: I was so excited to write this chapter :D, so I hope you guys will like it well, pls let me know :)**

_The intruder?_

JJ stared at the ceiling, she couldn't catch any sleep but kept replaying the night.

Hotch had handed the note over to Cal, but he was so absent minded that he couldn't quite wrap his head around the meaning of it. He had put the note aside and ordered a police officer to escort the BAU to the crime scene. They'd all walked together down the corridor, but Cal stopped at his office. He stood still for a moment and took a deep breath, building up courage to enter and deliver the bad news. Moments later they could hear Jeremy Benton's heart breaking screams echoing throughout the station. JJ felt a lump in her throat and blinked heavily to hold back her tears. Hotch looked over at her, opening his mouth to say something, but closing it again for he had no words of comfort.  
>The ride towards the crime scene was awful. Everyone was quiet as they tried to brace themselves for what was to come.<br>In a deserted place, covered in leafs, they found the body of Miranda. Hollow eyes staring at the stars above them and into the nothingness. The smile on the picture had disappeared from her face. A red cut marked her throat.  
>It sends waves of emotions down JJ's body that she couldn't remember having felt before. This reaction to a body was new for her. She became nauseous and averted her eyes, but the image was already burnt into her soul.<p>

When the team returned to the lodge nobody was in the mood for joking about doubling up, like they did the last time they had a case in Alaska. Naturally and without delegation, Morgan joined Reid and Rossi joined Hotch. Giving JJ, as the only female (field-)member, a room to herself.  
>She heard a soft knock on the door. For a brief moment and without knowing why, she'd expected it to be Hotch, but it was Reid that peeked around the door. Seeing that she was decent and that it was safe for him to enter he sat down next to her on the bed.<br>"That was a rough night" he said.  
>"Yeah it was" JJ corroborated.<br>"So are you alright? You seemed more upset than usual" Reid asked carefully and JJ was surprised by his sharp observation.  
>She let her fingers run through her hair, trying to decide how much she wanted to open up.<br>"I just felt so powerless and frustrated that we didn't reached her in time" JJ shook her head "and then that note!"  
>"This time around we just had no way of saving her in time" Reid said plainly, but truthfully.<br>She looked at him, at her dear friend. She always had felt very protective of him, probably because he was the youngest of them all and despite his enormous intelligence he was also vulnerable in a way. That caring and protective instinct took over.  
>He still looked concerned for her, but she grabbed his hand even though it made him shudder a little bit at the physical contact.<br>"Spence, don't worry, I am fine. I just need some rest from this frustrating night. I am fine" she repeated.  
>He smiled at her.<br>"Well then, I probably should go back before Morgan can come up with any jokes as to why I was in your room."  
>JJ managed to produce a little smile back.<br>"Good night Spence."  
>"Sleep tight, JJ."<p>

But it wasn't a good night, and she couldn't sleep tight.  
>She wondered if she was nauseous from all the terrible images and sounds she'd faced today, or if it was simply because she was so exhausted.<br>She felt her eyelids grew heavy and closed her eyes, only for a little while.

_Once she opened them she found herself surrounded by trees.  
>"Why didn't you hurry?" she heard a voice say from behind her.<br>She turned around, her heart skipping a beat.  
>She directly stared into the hollow eyes of Miranda.<br>"Why didn't you search for me? Why didn't you rescue me?" she started pleading, red tears rolling out of the corners of her eyes. Tears of blood.  
>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't try hard enough" JJ felt overwhelmed by sudden guilt.<br>Miranda took a few steps towards her.  
>"Look what he did to me!" she yelled and held up both of her arms, showing bruises at her wrists.<br>JJ stared at them in shock.  
>"Are those from the.." she was unable to finish her question.<br>"Yes! From the chains that tied me up to the ceiling. I was hanging for days!" she screamed while her eyes were wide open, filled with fear.  
>JJ took a few steps back in terror. Suddenly she felt something around her ankles. She looked down, chains!<br>No, no, no! She felt panic swallowing up inside her.  
>She took a few more steps back, but inevitably unable to walk any further, she lost her balance and fell to the ground. Not in the soft leafs like she'd expected, but on the hard ground. The trees were gone and she found herself in a dark room. A cellar?<br>Miranda kept on moving closer.  
>JJ looked in the blue eyes.<br>"I needed you.."  
>"I know and I'm sorry" JJ felt tears streaming down her face.<br>Suddenly a terrible, deep laugh was coming from behind her, making the hairs in her neck stand up.  
>She tried to adjust her balance, to see what was behind her.<br>In the corner of her eye she could see the shape of a man approaching her.  
>Threatening, and slowly placing one foot in front of the other.<br>"I have waited so long for this moment..." she heard him hiss.  
>She desperately tried to unlock the chains, but she wasn't strong enough.<br>The shadow of the man was coming closer and closer.  
>"He will take you, just like he took me" she heard Miranda's voice coming from behind her.<br>JJ pulled the chains with all the strength she had left, but she knew it was pointless. She couldn't escape.  
>The sound of his footsteps in the room became louder and louder.<br>A dark shadow on his face masked her attacker.  
>But she already knew who he was.<br>Hastings.  
>She heard him laugh again. <em>

Come on open your eyes! she said to herself, forcing her to wake up.  
>She fought against the gravity of the images.<br>But the man was still in her room.  
>Come on wake up!<br>She could still see the figure of the man.  
>Come on!<br>But the man was still there.  
>She had to be awake now.<br>Why wouldn't he leave?  
>She forced herself to sit up and blinked a couple times.<br>And with the last couple of blinks the figure of the man was gone.  
>Then suddenly a realization sunk in and it froze her heart.<br>Could it have been that there really had stood a man in her room?  
>That thought came so sudden that she impulsively started to scream.<br>She heard footsteps approaching her fast and she panicked at the thought that the man came back.  
>The light was switched on and it blinded her.<br>She felt two hands grabbing her shoulder. She fought her attacker and forcefully banged her fists against his chest.  
>"JJ, JJ, it's okay! It's me" she heard Hotch's voice.<br>She opened her eyes and looked into his hazel ones.  
>Her heart was pounding in her throat.<br>"He was here! Hotch, he was here!" she screamed.  
>Hotch shook his head in confusion.<br>"Who was?"  
>"There was a man standing in my room" JJ's voice trembled and she choked up.<br>Within a split second the confusion in Hotch's eyes turned into alertness.  
>She felt how one hand grabbed her arm and pulled her out of bed, while he pulled her in the corner of the room, away from the windows. A second later Rossi, Reid and Morgan all came rushing in the room.<br>"Dave, guard JJ!" he pointed to the Italian rooted agent "Morgan, Reid grab your guns and come with me. There is a man in the lodge."  
>Immediately awake and alarmed the men went storming off, collecting their guns and rushing downstairs.<br>Rossi grabbed JJ's gun from the draw in the nightstand and took a position right in front of her, so that JJ was kept safe between the wall behind her and the agent in front of her.  
>Rossi didn't say a word, but kept concentrating on the door, ready to take down any unwelcome guest.<br>JJ was gasping for air, trying to regulate her breathing but she kept choking up in fear.  
>After what seemed like forever the three men came back in her room.<br>Hotch held his breath and slightly shook his head.  
>"We searched the whole lodge and we went outside but we couldn't find anyone."<br>"But he was.." JJ said confused, looking for the right words to say "he was right here, in my room..."  
>Or was he? Was there really someone in her room, or was it just the ghost image of her nightmare?<br>She could see Reid's hesitation, his uneasiness. He doubted her.  
>JJ felt angry and embarrassed at the same time.<br>The eyes of the men all piercing at her. She started to feel awfully aware of the fact that she was only wearing a long t-shirt, that served as a night gown.  
>"I know" Hotch said, without a doubt believing her "that's why I think it's best for you not to sleep alone and for all of us to lock our doors."<br>"I could stay with you JJ, if that what you want?" Reid offered.  
>From all the men she felt most comfortable sharing her room with Reid, but she didn't feel the safest with him. She was torn between possible awkwardness or feeling unsafe. She was leaning towards declining the offer, but she didn't want Spence to feel rejected or inferior to the other men. Automatically her eyes went to Hotch, who immediately picked up on her clue.<br>"Reid if you don't mind, and JJ if you don't mind of course, I was thinking of staying with you" Hotch said without giving a further explanation.  
>Everyone in the room could feel the slight awkwardness as they all stood there in their pajama's and shirts, but fortunately it was overpowered by the seriousness of the situation. An intruder just entered one of their agent's room, who knows what he was planning on doing.<br>If there even was an intruder, JJ pushed that thought away, it was too embarrassing to think she created all this hassle over a nightmare.  
>After deciding that they should all get some sleep in the hours that they had left, everyone returned to their rooms except for Hotch. He locked the door, checked the windows and finally put his gun on the nightstand of the second bed as he crawled into it.<br>JJ quickly followed his example, she felt exposed for long enough. She turned off the light.  
>"Goodnight JJ, try to get some sleep and don't worry" she heard Hotch's reassuring voice coming from her right.<br>"Yes I'll try, goodnight."  
>She rolled on her side, but she didn't dare to close her eyes, afraid that Hastings would reappear.<br>Half an hour later she was still wide awake, listening to the sound of the wind and of Hotch's steady breathing.  
>"Hotch?" she whispered softly in case he'd already fallen asleep.<br>"Hmm?" she heard him answer.  
>"Last night, how did you know I wasn't in my room?" she'd phrased the question that was on her mind since the moment she'd woken up this morning.<br>"Hmm?" she could hear his confusion.  
>"How did you know I wasn't in my room?" she was forced to repeat the question.<br>"Well because your door was open" she could hear in his tone that he didn't understand why she would ask him a question with such a logical answer.  
>"What?" JJ asked in disbelief.<br>"You'd left your door open, so I checked but you weren't anywhere to be found" Hotch said again "why what's wrong?"  
>Did she left her door open? She couldn't remember that.<br>"I can't remember that I left it open" she said unsure about her own memory.  
>There fell a heavy silence in the room. She could almost hear Hotch thinking.<br>Suddenly JJ felt really stupid. Not only was she afraid of her own dreams, but she also caused such a fuss that the men were forced to look after her like she needed to be babysit, cause she couldn't even act like an FBI agent is supposed to act. Instead of grabbing her own gun and chasing whatever man might, or might not, be in her room, she started screaming like a girl.  
>It was a good thing that it was dark, cause else Hotch would've seen her face turn red. She felt the heat of her embarrassment radiate in her face.<br>"I'm sorry Hotch, I probably just left it open" she waved it off.  
>"Or you didn't and someone else did" he said bluntly, saying what both of them thought.<br>JJ didn't know what to say next, she could only think about what she'd heard in the bushes. Could it be that someone really opened her door last night? Could it be that what she had seen tonight wasn't just a dream?  
>"So what do we do?" she asked with a slight tremble in her voice.<br>"We'll be extra careful."


	9. Ch 8 - The awkward meal

**A/N: I know I said it many times already, but I want to thank everyone again for the reviews :) And for following this story. I really mean it when I say that it's good to know that people are actually reading and liking this story :P. I have a clear idea where I'm heading (and I'm pretty excited to write it) but ofcourse I hope you guys will like it too :)**

_The awkward meal_

She woke up to the peaceful sound of birds and for a moment everything felt right.  
>That moment quickly passed once she'd remembered where she was and what had happened.<br>She sat up, scanning the room and found herself alone. Hotch had left.  
>The sunlight was trying to make its way into the room, but was captured by the curtains. She pulled them away and let the light flood the room.<br>How long had she been sleeping? She couldn't remember that she even fell asleep.  
>She grabbed her phone and looked at the time.<br>10 o'clock! How was that possible?  
>She threw her legs to one side of the bed and got out, grabbed some clothes from her go bag and got ready as fast as she could.<br>Once she was ready, sort of, she walked downstairs, wondering whether the team would still be at the lodge or at the station.  
>Why hadn't he woke her? JJ wondered angrily.<br>Her feet barely touched the downstairs floor when Hotch's face appeared.  
>"Hey, good morning!" before she could say anything he quickly continued "I'm sorry I didn't wake you, but I thought some rest might do you good."<br>"I'm not here to rest Hotch, I'm here to work!" after last night JJ decided she needed to get her tough-FBI-composure back.  
>She had successfully shut Hotch up.<br>She ignored the question in his eyes and walked passed him to the diner/ living room of the lodge. There she saw Spence reading the newspaper.  
>"What are you doing Spence?" she said curiously.<br>"Oh good morning, I was just reading that the newspaper is already mentioning some memorial for Miranda. It might be good for us to attend that, giving the possibility that the Unsub might be so arrogant to go there too" Reid said in his usual energetic way "so how are you doing after last night?"  
>Hotch joined them. JJ could feel that he tried to catch her eyes, but she kept them focused on Reid.<br>"I'm fine, next time he visits I'll kick him in the.." she looked at Hotch and quickly changed her words ".. let's just say I'll kick him in a not-so-pleasant-area" she said in an aggressive tone, hoping they would buy it.  
>"Wait what makes you think there will be a next time?" Spence's eyes narrowed as his brilliant mind was processing his own question, he looked at Hotch who kept his eyes on JJ and then looked back at JJ "hold on was there a previous time? Did he came in your room before?"<br>JJ was caught off guard. She quickly looked over at Hotch.  
>"I- I don't know" she stuttered, looking back at Spence.<br>"You think it was the Unsub that visited you?" Reid pressed, he tilted his head a bit as if she was some study object.  
>JJ didn't know what to answer.<br>She felt Reid's observant eye scanning her and it made her nervous.  
>"Well you are his type I guess. Blonde hair, blue eyes, his target age" he said it with an ease that caused JJ to feel a knot in her stomach.<br>"Reid that's enough" their bosses voice sounded firm.  
>Reid stopped, knowing that he'd crossed a line he hadn't even seen.<br>"It's okay" JJ said not wanting to show any signs of weakness, not to Reid and certainly not to Hotch "I don't know if it was the Unsub Reid, and I don't know if there will be a next visit. And if there was a previous visit he sure did a hell of job disguising himself cause I didn't see him."  
>Hotch looked at her, but didn't say anything.<br>"Anyway shouldn't we head over to the station? Why are we even still here? " JJ said, bravely walking to the front door and to car, leaving the two stunned men behind.  
>Reid looked at his superior.<br>"Cause you didn't even had breakfast" he muttered.

It was the first time that she dreaded to see Cal. But when he walked towards them with his green sweater on that accentuated his eyes, she felt a weight lifted.  
>"JJ" he said sweetly even though she could see that he felt bad, kind of ignoring Reid and Hotch who walked passed him to the station. JJ could see Hotch's hesitation as he turned around like he wanted to join them, but then turned back and continue his walk to the station.<br>"Cal, I'm sorry that I'm so late.." but she was interrupted by him.  
>"No problem, agent Rossi already told me you guys had a rough night" he said.<br>JJ cursed Rossi in her head, she felt like he had shared something very intimate.  
>'What did he say?" JJ tried to keep her tone light.<br>"That there were some disturbances" Cal frowned "we have some teenagers that seem to specialize in 'causing disturbances', but if you want me to investigate it.."  
>This time it was JJ's turn to interrupt.<br>"Oh no, no please don't bother. I'm fine, let's just focus on the case" she said.  
>"Pff, that bad huh?" he said with an almost playful smile.<br>"What?" she asked confused.  
>He raised an eyebrow and suddenly she realized she'd said the word 'fine'. She didn't know how he did it, but she couldn't help but smiling.<br>Cal looked at her, his dimples showing. But then his smile faded and his face became serious again.  
>"No but seriously, I will place some surveillance cameras, you guys have to be able to sleep normally" he said.<br>To be honest JJ was too tired to protest so she just give him a little nod as a sign that she approved.  
>Then she looked more closely at him. His hair was a mess and his face looked pale and tired.<br>"Speaking about 'fine', how are you doing?" she asked concerned.  
>He sighed.<br>"Well I'm definitely not fine. It's the fourth woman that has turned up dead. I had to tell four families that their loved one is murdered and I can't get the image of Jeremy crying out of my head" Cal closed his eyes as if he saw the image right now "honestly JJ, I don't know if I can handle even one more woman being abducted and murdered."  
>JJ placed her hand gently on his arm.<br>"I'm so sorry that we couldn't help prevent Miranda's death" her voice started to tremble and Cal noticed it, she quickly looked at the ground afraid of her own emotions. Wondering where they came from all of the sudden.  
>"I know that you guys did everything you could" he said.<br>She let go of his arm, but at the same time both of his hands grabbed her arms.  
>She felt heat rushing to her cheeks.<br>"C'mon, it's getting cold, let's get inside before we freeze" he said.  
>"Yes" she said even though she felt far from cold.<p>

Now that they'd found Miranda's body the time pressure was somewhat diminished, but not disappeared since they knew they had a couple of days before the next victim was abducted, the Unsub was probably already following her every move. There were no traces discovered on the envelop, Morgan was interviewing the mailman but it didn't lead to anything. Hotch and JJ had worked on a press conference to let the women in the city know what to be aware of and how they could keep themselves safe, Reid and Rossi went back to the crime scene to take a second look. The weather forecast was pretty bad so they'd hurry to get there before the rain would come pouring down. Cal made sure that there were cameras installed at the lodge, some were dummy's for budget reasons. Cal informed Hotch where the cameras were placed and which one were real and which one were fake. He wanted to go back to Jeremy Benton, but JJ intervened suggesting to send detective Jackson to give him a break. In the afternoon Hotch and Rossi and JJ and Morgan went to visit some of the locals that matched the profile, but at the end of the day they could almost cross them all of the list. They were working around the clock, but when it was 8 o'clock their stomachs were complaining, reminding them that they should eat. They went back to the lodge and on the way back bought some Chinese takeout.

It was cold and dark outside and the rain and wind were bashing on the windows. Rossi made a fire and the warmth light spread around the cozy lodge. JJ sat comfortably on the couch with Hotch next to her and Derek sat left of her on the chair. Her legs felt really heavy and tired, suddenly she felt the crazy urge to throw her legs over Hotch's, so she could lay a bit. She quickly suppressed it and instead looked at Reid, who was as always struggling with the chop sticks. Finally he grabbed a fork and knife.

The men were talking and laughing with each other, after years of seeing dead bodies they learned how to dissociate themselves. But tonight JJ kept thinking about Miranda. She saw how Derek looked at her, probably noticing she was awfully quiet tonight.  
>Reid and Rossi, who finished their meals very fast, decided to do the dishes, leaving Hotch, Reid and JJ behind.<br>"So JJ, how are you and Cal doing?" Morgan said in an attempt to lift her spirit. She felt Hotch stiffen next to her.  
>JJ almost choked in her food.<br>"W-what?" she said coughing.  
>"Ah come on, everyone can tell there is something going on between you two" he said with a big smile.<br>JJ felt her cheeks turning red, she didn't dare to look at Hotch.  
>"Derek! Really there's nothing going on between us, he just a detective."<br>"Look JJ, you've given me some great relationship advice, let me return the favor. Everyone can see that you guys look great together. Right Hotch?" Derek looked at his boss.  
>JJ followed his gaze and saw the tension in Hotch's face. Please Derek stop, she pleaded internally. She didn't want Hotch to think she was unprofessional or to think that all she did was flirting and distracting the detective.<br>She tried to hint Morgan.  
>But Derek continued: "JJ he is totally your type! He is smart, reliable, handsome, caring plus he makes you laugh. I never saw a guy make you laugh like that before. Believe me, you two would be great together."<br>"But we're working a case! We have a professional relationship, I can't go out with a detective" she saw Hotch's expression and tried to place it.. he looked somewhat disappointed. Oh no, she had already disappointed him, he must think of her as unprofessional.  
>"I'm not saying you should start dating each other right now" Morgan laughed "but after were done working this case you have no professional relationship with him anymore."<br>"I can't date someone who I am working with, it would be unprofessional, whether that's a detective or agent or whatever" she looked over at her boss, she couldn't get it, he looked even more disappointed and unhappier than before. What else did she have to say? "Besides he lives in Alaska" she laughed a bit nervous.  
>"Ah c'mon he has an accent, he probably moved here for his career, which means he can move again for love" Derek reasoned and JJ almost had to laugh about the absurdity of the conversation, that went from dating to moving houses.<br>"Besides career-wise a good reference by a FBI-agent can do miracles" Morgan added and winked at Hotch.  
>Hotch was obviously not pleased that he'd became actively involved in the conversation.<br>"Derek if JJ doesn't want to date detective Morris then you cannot make her" he said dryly but it made JJ smile a little.  
>Derek held both of his hands in the air.<br>"I'm just saying it would be a shame if you guys didn't try. I mean if you won't ask him out then I will for you" he added a final note.  
>JJ rolled her eyes.<br>"I uhm" Hotch stood up, awkwardly wiping his hands off "I am heading upstairs, I want to work for a little while."  
>"Okay" JJ couldn't hide her disappointment as she saw her boss quickly leaving them and disappearing out of their sights.<br>"Thanks Derek" she said when she was sure he couldn't hear them anymore.  
>"What?" he asked a bit too innocent.<br>"What do you mean what? Who knows what Hotch is thinking of me right now?" she sounded as scared as she felt.  
>"Ah c'mon JJ, he just feels uncomfortable when it comes down to private stuff.. You know, just like you" he smiled when he saw JJ blush, underlining his statement.<br>"You see" he teased her "no seriously, Hotch won't think anything of it. Don't worry."  
>"Easier said than done" she said.<br>He smiled again and moved in a little closer.  
>"Hey but JJ, now that were alone, I wanted to ask you a question..." he almost whispered, forcing JJ to lean in to make out what he was saying<br>".. So honestly, how are you and detective Morris doing?"  
>JJ smacked the nearest thing she could find, which happened to be a local newspaper, against his head.<br>"I'm also heading upstairs, good night Morgan!"  
>And with that she left a laughing Derek Morgan behind.<p> 


	10. Ch 9 - Guess, guess who is next?

**A/N: Thanks again everyone for the reviews ^^**** thnx JayjeHotchner, operationblackbird, bklyngirl and all the guests, thx for the support :)**

_Guess, guess, who's next?_

JJ changed into her sleepshirt in the small bathroom attached to the bedroom. Hotch was reading some files in bed, but when she came out the bathroom his eyes were automatically drawn to her. Again she felt a bit embarrassed that she didn't brought any proper nightwear with her. Her shirt was quite revealing. He averted his eyes quickly, as if he'd looked at something forbidden. She crawled under the blankets.  
>Despite the slight awkwardness that inevitable came along with sharing a room with her boss, he was the one person she felt completely safe with. Outside she could hear the wind in the trees and the rain ticking against their window. She didn't close the curtains all the way, this night she wanted some light in the room.<br>Hotch put the files away and sighed a little.  
>She wondered what was on his mind. Was it just her, or did he act weird lately?<br>He looked at her and managed to smile a little.  
>"Goodnight JJ" his voice sounded very soft all of a sudden.<br>"Thanks, you too Hotch" she replied.  
>He turned off the light and she rolled over to her side.<br>Their was a bit of a weird silence in the room as they both tried to fall asleep.  
>"Hotch?" she heard herself asking.<br>"Yes?" his voice said.  
>"There is one question that on my mind for quite some time."<br>"What it is?" he asked curiously.  
>"Do you think that Rossi feels safe in his room now that I've stolen you away?" she teased.<br>She could hear his laughter and it made her heart jump a little.  
>"Yeah well did you consider the possibility that Rossi feels more safe with you than with me? He was kind of upset when I claimed your room" he joked back.<br>"Maybe he was the man I saw in my room than."  
>They both laughed out loud.<br>JJ couldn't remember the last time that they had fun together, still it felt strangely familiar.  
>" I got a question for you now" Hotch said after a brief silence, making JJ curious what was to come next.<br>"What?" she asked.  
>"How is it for you as the only woman in the field?" he said his tone a bit more serious.<br>She thought about it.  
>"Well to be honest, I still miss Emily a bit" she was happy that he asked and suddenly a memory came to mind "you know last time when we had to double up in Alaska? Emily and I shared the room, remember?"<br>"Yes" his tone was curious.  
>"In the middle of the night I suddenly heard Emily screaming, so sleepy as I was, I grabbed my gun and turned the light on. I aimed it at her, cause that's where the screaming came from and she looked back at me somehow convinced I was going to shoot her, so she started to scream even louder. And while I was searching for the attacker I suddenly felt something frantically touching my face. So I started screaming! And we were both screaming and then we realized that our attacker was a big, brown moth! We couldn't sleep anymore because we laughed so hard that night. We were up all night trying to catch him, it was awful" she laughed again just thinking about it.<br>She heard Hotch's laugh join hers.  
>"It got to the point where Emily was throwing her shoes across the room in an effort to catch it. Of course I was the one that caught it."<br>"Of course?" he asked, and JJ realized how that must've sounded.  
>"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound arrogant, it's just that when I was young I collected butterflies. So I had some experience in catching them" she explained.<br>"Oh yeah, I remember that" Hotch said.  
>"You do?" she couldn't remember that she ever told him that.<br>"Yes, you remember that case where the Unsub send you a frame with a butterfly in it?" it must've been almost ten years ago, but he remembered it like it was yesterday.  
>"Oh yes! I almost forgot. Wow that was so long ago. Sometimes I forget how long we're already working together" JJ said.<br>"Yes I was so glad that you came back to us" his words floated in the room for a while.  
>Even though what he said was completely normal, it felt like he shared something very intimate. When any of the other members had said it, she wouldn't pay much attention to it, but when Hotch said it, it felt special, personal.<br>"I am too" she spoke softly.

_The rain was pouring down, there was thunder, she knew that finding shelter under a tree wasn't smart. So she kept running through the forest, kept searching for a place where she would be safe. Somewhere in the distant she could hear her name being whispered.. it was Hotch's voice. She had to find him. She ran even harder, but her legs were incredibly heavy.  
>Then she saw a little brown house. Was it the lodge? Was it a shed?<br>She ran towards it, opened the door.  
>She took a few steps back in terror when she saw what was inside. The floor and the ceiling were all covered in chains, like mousetraps everywhere.<br>The moment she wanted to turn around and flee, was the moment the door was shut. There was no doorknob to be found. Her fists were banging against it, hoping for some movement.  
>She shouted at the top of her lungs.<br>Suddenly she heard footsteps behind her. A tall man was walking towards her, in his hands he carried chains. Chains that would tie her up.  
>Hastings..<br>He was about to.._

She abruptly woke up from her nightmare sensing something was happening.  
>Right before her stood a tall man in the room.<br>JJ was so stunned that she was silenced for a moment. _  
><em>Something told her to wake up Hotch, but she was hypnotized by the figure in front of her, standing still like a statue. She held her breath when he turned around to face her.  
>A scream was suppressed when the light of the moon exposed the man: Hotch.<br>Once he saw she was awake he put a finger on his lips, hinting her to be silent. In his right hand he held his gun. He gestured her to stay in bed, while he walked on his toes to the door and disappeared to the hallway.  
>It didn't take long to realize that he must have heard someone, but if he had heard an intruder she wasn't going to let him chase him without backup.<br>She quickly got out of bed and grabbed not only her gun but also a flashlight. Tiptoeing to the hallway, she decided which way Hotch would've went. She walked down the stairs, leaving her flashlight off.  
>Her heart was pounding in her throat but she pushed her fear aside and got her FBI mindset back.<br>A noise was coming from the living room.  
>She placed her back against the wall and looked around the corner. She saw Hotch and with a few quick steps she joined him.<br>He quickly looked at her and gave her a nod. Together they walked to the kitchen. JJ switched the flashlight on, with abrupt movements they scanned the room. It was clear. Almost shoulder to shoulder they walked to the downstairs hallway.  
>Clear as well.<br>The next room was the a small storage room, and the last downstairs room was a bathroom. It was all clear. JJ pointed up, but Hotch shook his head implicating that he'd already checked there. He pointed to the front and backdoor, suggesting to split up. JJ nodded, even though she was reluctant to leave his side. Hotch walked towards the front door and JJ carefully opened the backdoor making sure she didn't make any sound. Her bare feet touched the cold and muddy ground. But she ignored the unpleasant feeling and kept placing one foot in front of the other. Her flash light aimed at tree after tree.  
>The wind and rain were raging around her, blowing her hair in her eyes and freezing her legs. She tried to focus on her surroundings. Again she placed her back against the wall and looked around the corner before going. She couldn't see a damn thing in the dark. She hoped Hotch was okay, cause she doubted whether she could hear him in this rain.<br>Finally she made her way around the building and ended at the front door, where Hotch joined her a few moments later. He shook his head. Nothing.  
>He held the door open for JJ and they both quickly entered. JJ was really cold with only wearing her t-shirt.<br>She looked at her boss, his hair flat from the rain. He inspected the locks and turned to her.  
>"I'm sorry JJ, you must be freezing!" he said with a guilty look, she realized she must've looked as terrible as him, maybe even worse. Her t-shirt totally soaked, sticking to her body. She was glad that it was a dark shirt.<br>Her body was shivering.  
>He quickly grabbed a blanket from the couch and gently placed it around her shoulders. She gratefully wrapped herself into it.<br>"Come on let's get you upstairs" he said shivering himself.  
>They walked upstairs together.<br>"You saw someone?" she asked him.  
>"No, I heard something. I thought that they were footsteps" he said.<br>JJ couldn't wait to take a hot shower.  
>She put the blanket on her bed and wanted to go to the bathroom when she heard Hotch's voice: "JJ wait!"<br>She turned around.  
>Hotch looked at her bed and she followed his gaze.<br>On her pillow lay an envelope, this time however it wasn't addressed.  
>JJ looked shocked at Hotch.<br>Hotch grabbed the envelope and read the note inside.  
>His face became pale and he opened his mouth a little, looking stunned.<br>She held her hand up, but Hotch hesitated a moment before handing it over.  
>There were five words: <em>'Guess, guess who is next?'<em>


	11. Ch 10 - No way out

**A/N: thnx you sez101, JayjeHotchner, Jaxz, Jareau37 for reviews ^^ and for everyone following this story. Hope you guys like next chapter **

_No way out_

Now that it was clear that it wasn't just in her head, it wasn't just a ghost of her nightmares, JJ wished that it was.  
>The words of the note hit the replay in her mind.<br>She joined her team and they all sat around the table watching the tapes of the surveillance cameras.  
>JJ looked over at Cal. He intensively and angrily focused on the images, hoping to catch a sign of the Unsub.<br>The images were only showing rain and the wind blowing through the trees. Then suddenly Hotch appeared on one of the cameras. With his gun in his hand, walking from the front door to the right side of the building. And a few seconds later JJ appeared on the tape of the camera hanging by the back door. This time she didn't even mind that everyone saw her in a t-shirt that was slowly drenched by the rain. She'd already made peace with the fact that everyone had seen her like this, and whatever thoughts they might or might not have that was their business. Besides there were more pressing matters right now. A few moments they both vanished in some blind spots and then reappeared on the tape of another camera. This happened at the spots were the fake cameras were placed. Then the team saw how JJ and Hotch met again at the front door.  
>Everyone stared at the tapes, all were waiting for the Unsub to come out of the lodge. No one spoke a word, afraid that they might jinx it, or miss it.<br>Nothing..  
>"Are you kidding me!" Cal exclaimed in frustration, turning around to isolate himself from the team for a moment.<br>All of their hopes were on those images, but the Unsub somehow dodged all eyes of the cameras.  
>It looked like Cal was ready to bang his fists against the wall.<br>A deep sigh came from JJ's right, Hotch's way to show his frustration.  
>"This is unbelievable, are we chasing a man or a ghost?" Cal joined them again, somewhat regaining his composure.<br>"This is way too convenient. The Unsub must've to known which cameras were real and which ones were fake" Rossi said.  
>"How could he have known! The only one I told was agent Hotchner" the frustrated detective said almost as if Hotch wasn't in the room with them.<br>"Maybe he overheard, but he most likely observed the lodge. Probably since the day that we'd arrived" the SSA said monotonically.  
>Cal robbed his face.<br>Meanwhile Reid was quietly staring at the note.  
>"Guess, guess who is next" he mumbled.<br>All of their heads were turned towards the young genius, hoping that his beautiful mind was busy cracking the case.  
>"What are you thinking?" Derek asked him.<br>"Guess, guess who is next" Reid repeated "it's a fake riddle. Arrogance, his way to show his power. He sees himself as some god, as the one that got all the power."  
>They all nodded, they already knew this.<br>Reid continued: "But now his MO has changed, this is the first time he is sending his victim a warning beforehand."  
>Hotch slowly nodded.<br>"True, and thereby he is increasing the risk of failure. By giving a warning he gives us time to protect the victim. Why would he do that?"  
>JJ snapped.<br>"Guys! Could you please stop saying 'the victim', as if we don't all know that I am his next victim! He is targeting me" she frantically held up her blond hair, to underline something that didn't need to be underlined, "just say my name!"  
>Reid and Hotch stared embarrassed at their shoes.<br>JJ walked outside, smart enough to inhibit the urge to slam the door.  
>Quick footsteps were following her.<br>Go away! she thought.  
>"JJ wait!" she heard Cal's voice behind her.<br>She increased her own pace, as did the detective.  
>A hand grabbed her wrist, forcing her to turn around and face him.<br>His green eyes looked deep into hers, her gaze was trapped by the intensity of his.  
>"JJ, you're not going to be his next victim! We will catch him before he can even touch you" he said.<br>It was everything she needed to hear right now.  
>She took a deep breath and exhaled some of her frustrations. She could feel a headache as a result.<br>Cal looked worried but also determined at her.  
>She gave him a faint smile.<br>"JJ" Hotch appeared next to them.  
>Cal quickly let go of her wrist like he just realized he was still holding it, but Hotch had only eyes for his agent.<br>JJ glanced up.  
>"I just had a call with Cruz. Grab your coat, were going to grab you stuff at the lodge and I'll drop you of at the airport. You're not staying here any second longer."<p>

She had barely anytime to say goodbye to everyone. And with everyone she meant detective Morris.  
>Would she ever see him again?<br>He'd came along to the lodge and helped to grab her stuff.  
>It was a quick faint handshake, and some quick words of goodbye. And that was it.<br>Hotch interrupted them and drove her to the plane.

JJ sat in the passenger seat next to her boss. It was a quiet ride, no one felt like speaking, both of them consumed by their own thoughts.  
>JJ stared out of the window. The rain and wind were bashing against it. Her boss held his hands tight on the steer, exercising some strength to keep it straight.<br>It was a bizarre case, how could it have gotten so far? Within 1 year she had been victimized twice.  
>She was not a victim! She refused to be one.<br>But somewhere in her heart she wasn't able to push away the sickening, sad, scared feeling.  
>She looked over at Hotch. What did he think of her? Did he thought somewhere deep inside that she was weak? That she needed protection? Would he had done the same things when it was Morgan who was targeted?<br>Not that Morgan would ever leave a case.  
>That thought caused a sting in her heart.<br>By running away she was already acting like a victim, he'd forced her out of the position of FBI agent. She felt humiliated, she was beaten at her own game.  
>Hotch was still focused on the road before them, trying to see anything through the rain that was splashing on the asphalt, causing a haze.<br>"I'm sorry Hotch for acting out, I shouldn't have snapped about that victim thing" she heard herself say.  
>"No, don't apologize. I probably would've reacted the same way" he said his eyes still focused on the road.<br>Both of them knew that Hotch would've probably reacted completely different but they let it go.  
>"It's just frustrating that I'm being taken of the case because he has decided that I'm going to be his next target" JJ preferred the word target over victim.<br>"I'm not taking you of the case, you're just going to join Garcia in Quantico and help from there."  
>JJ wondered how much she could contribute when she wasn't in the field, probably staring over Garcia's shoulder. She kept her frustration for herself and let Hotch concentrate on the road again in this terrible weather.<br>They finally reached the BAU airplane.  
>Hotch drove slowly to the side of the road, when a man was rushing towards them.<br>"Oh no" Hotch whispered to himself.  
>When he was near the car they could see it was their pilot.<br>He knocked on the window.  
>Hotch quickly opened the door, the rain immediately got blown into the car.<br>"SSA Hotchner?" the man had to shout for them to be able to hear him.  
>"Yes" Hotch shouted back.<br>"I'm sorry, I can't take off in this weather it's too dangerous" the pilot said.  
>"No, you don't understand you have to. It's an emergency" Hotch got out of the car, closing the door. Probably to shield JJ from the rain and because it was easier to persuade the pilot without her. But she wouldn't let that happen. She got out of the car and joined them.<br>"I'm really sorry sir" she could hear the pilot say "but I've got no authorization to take off."  
>"But I'm giving you the authorization to do so right now" Hotch said in a weak attempt that made the pilot laugh a bit.<br>"Sorry sir, you can't do that. We've got a weather prediction for at least the next 12 hours that prohibits us to leave. Like I said, it's not safe to fly in this weather."  
>Hotch rubbed his face and looked over at JJ. There was just no way around it.<br>He finally nodded, a sign that he gave in.  
>"The moment you guys have the permission to take off you call me!" he said.<br>"We'll do" the pilot nodded and ran back to his own vehicle.  
>They both rushed into the car again.<br>JJ looked over at her boss.  
>He looked back at her.<br>They both knew it; they were stuck here.


	12. Ch 11 - The proposal

**A/N: thnx again for reviews everyone ^^**

_The proposal _

They all looked surprised when the two agents walked back into the station.  
>Morris eyes lit up for a second.<br>"What happened?" said Derek at the sight of the two drained and frustrated agents.  
>"The plane couldn't take off in this weather" Hotch said sour.<br>There was a collective sigh.  
>"What do we do next?" Reid said worried.<br>"We'll wait for the next 12 hours and see if the pilots have permission to take off" Hotch answered, carrying both of his and JJ's go-bag and placing them in a corner of the room.  
>"Well then, in the meantime there's nothing we can do but catch this man before he can exercise his threat" Rossi said.<br>"But how can we catch a man that's always one step ahead of us?" detective Jackson had joined detective Morris and the team.  
>No one had the answer to that question. They all stared in front of them, running down the possibilities.<br>Cal Morris shook his head. But in the middle of his movement froze. He frowned.  
>"Maybe.." he said slowly "we can use this information against him.."<br>Everyone's head turned toward the detective.  
>"What do you mean?" Hotch asked suspiciously.<br>"Like you said, he is always one step ahead of us. By warning JJ, by warning us, he expects us to do what were actually doing right now. He expects us to try and bring JJ into safety. You guys said in your profile that he's smart, intelligent, he likes to show his power and he has been almost flawless up until now. Agent Hotchner you said that by warning his victims he increases his own risk of failure. But that doesn't sound like something he does. What if it isn't really that big of a risk for him. What if he anticipated our every move.." the detective spoke fast, almost tripping over his own words.  
>He was on to something.<br>Rossi shook his head affirmatively.  
>"You're right, he probably calculated our next move."<br>"Like a game of chess" Reid added.  
>"So what are you thinking?" detective Jackson asked Cal.<br>Cal took a few seconds before he answered. He stood up and walked to the door and closed it. Making sure no one could eavesdrop them.  
>"To do exactly what he wants but then with a twist. Okay, what if we could use his threat as a bait?" he held both of his hands in the air, looking at every member of the team. When his eyes met JJ's, he paused.<br>"JJ? What would you think about luring and baiting him?" he held his breath unsure about how the team would react to his proposal.  
>"No wait.." Hotch was interrupted by Rossi.<br>"Well that's not a crazy idea. We could flip the coin by trapping him from the inside and outside" Rossi nodded at his own thought.  
>JJ processed the idea. She felt Cal's eyes on her.<br>Then again she couldn't help but think about the screams and desperation of Jeremy Benton..  
>And she thought about Cal's desperation, she could still hear him say <em>'honestly JJ, I don't know if I can handle even one more woman being abducted and murdered'.<br>_The first thing she'd felt when Cal had proposed his idea to use her as bait was fear. But she was so fed up with being scared. She wanted to be the FBI-agent again. The one that protects. The one that's brave and catches murderers. How many times hadn't they told everyone that they were going to do everything they could.. So why not keep their promise? Why not follow through and actually do everything she could..  
>She could do this. She could be the one that could put a stop to this. Really nothing could happen to her as long as the plan was executed well. Like Rossi basically said: she could be the one that flipped the coin. She could be the one that could prevent Cal Morris from having to go to a fifth family and tell them their daughter is murdered.<br>JJ didn't have to think any longer. She was going to do this.  
>"No we are not going to this!" she heard Hotch's voice loud and stern.<br>"Yes we are" JJ said, causing everyone to look at her.  
>She could see a grateful smile appear on Cal's face.<br>"No JJ.." Hotch sputtered.  
>"Hotch, I can do this! We can wire me up. As long as we execute this plan well, we can diminish the risks and catch him" JJ's voice sounded driven and perhaps a bit too enthusiastic.<br>"I will not authorize this" Hotch said strongly.  
>"But Hotch, think about this for a moment. This could be the game changer!" David Rossi intervened again.<br>"It could work" Derek added.  
>Hotch was looking back and forth to his members.<br>It was obvious that they'd forced his hand.  
>"JJ I would like to have a word with you" he almost hissed. <p>

"JJ we're not going to do this" he closed the door of a little office, closing them off from the others.  
>"Why not Hotch?" she genuinely wondered as she saw her irritated boss pacing up and down the room.<br>"It's too risky" his tone was determined.  
>"But it doesn't have to be.." she argued.<br>He quickly ran his hand through his hair. JJ couldn't remember ever seeing him do that.  
>He stopped and looked at her.<br>"What's this about?" he almost dangerously lowered his voice "are you trying to prove something?"  
>This time JJ felt cornered.<br>"This is about those murdered women. The only thing that I want is to catch this Unsub! If that means that I have to be the bait, then let me be the bait" she defended.  
>Hotch shook his head. Walked a few steps away from her and looked out the small window for a moment.<br>"After Elle was shot we used her as a bait for a serial rapist. Remember how that played out?" Hotch surely did, it had haunted him ever since. The once strong agent had panicked when she was the bait and later visited the Unsub and murdered him. Although he could never prove it, he just knew that that was what she'd done.  
>The sudden notion of Elle made JJ's heart skip a beat. It was so long ago. When she'd left the team had never really spoken about it. Like they'd all silently agreed to bury the memories. An agreement that Hotch 'violated' now.<br>JJ swallowed.  
>"I'm not Elle" she said plainly.<br>"If this goes wrong..." Hotch sighed, he didn't finish that sentence "you've been abducted before, not so long ago."  
>JJ was a even more stunned than when he'd mentioned Elle. It was the first time that he'd ever mentioned her abduction after it had happened. They never even had a decent conversation about it when she'd returned to the BAU. Ofcourse they'd talked about the medical side of it, and about the clearance from the doctor that she needed to go back to work, but that was as far as their conversations went.<br>"Yes, and look how quickly I rebounded from that.." it was like an open invitation for Hotch to comment on. But he held his breath and just looked at her and it made her slightly nervous.  
>"Hotch, back then I could handle it, and this time I will be okay as well, trust me" she added.<br>He took a deep breath and desperately frowned, almost as if he was in pain.  
>"JJ, this is not about me not trusting you, but you have to realize you're not the only one who is affected.." he abruptly stopped talking, like he had revealed too much already.<br>JJ's expression softened as she tried to wrap her head around the meaning of those words.  
>But they were interrupted by a knock on the door.<br>Hotch rolled his eyes in frustration, and JJ prayed it wasn't Cal interrupting them. Her boss couldn't handle that right now.  
>"Yes?" Hotch said through his teeth.<br>Thank God it was Rossi who entered.  
>He looked at the both of them. Suddenly JJ became aware that she and her boss were standing very close to each other. She automatically took a step back.<br>Rossi closed the door behind him.  
>"Hotch, I know that you're not liking this but think it through for a minute" he said calmly. Rossi was perhaps the only one at this point who had some influence on Hotch.<br>Hotch looked at him, silently giving him permission to speak.  
>So Rossi proceeded.<br>"Listen, if we set up the perfect circumstances we will create minimal risks for JJ" Rossi explained.  
>"I prefer no risks" Hotch said bluntly.<br>"And then what? Guard her with all of our team until she can fly back to Quantico? And then the Unsub will leave her alone? That's what you expect? He targets her, brags about it and then once she's crossed the borders he'll leave her alone?" Rossi raised an eyebrow.  
>The way he said it send shivers down JJ's spine. He was probably right, the Unsub had latched his self on to her.<br>She could see Hotch started to hesitate.  
>Another thought came to JJ's mind.<br>"And if that's the case, which is very unlikely, and he leaves me alone when I leave, than that means he will start looking for a replacement. He will kill another local woman. Hotch I didn't come here to abandon these women!" JJ said almost passionate.  
>Hotch closed his eyes, torn between the dilemma. He wanted to protect his agent from this Unsub, but how could he protect her best? Everything in his heart screamed that he should sent her back, away from here, but what Rossi had said made sense, was it really safer to use her as bait...? It was at least safer for the townspeople..<br>"Hotch?" JJ's voice sounded surprisingly small and it immediately draw the attention of her superior. "Besides the profile we've got nothing on this man, no traces, no DNA, no nothing..." she sounded very vulnerable, and needed a moment before she proceeded "...if I leave now, you guys will probably not catch him anytime soon. And I don't..." she took a deep breath, the image of Hastings appeared before her eyes "I.. I don't want to spend the rest of my days looking over my shoulder."  
>Hotch's hazel eyes scanned her face. She let her veil down, and she knew that he knew.<br>"This might be our best chance of catching him. I rather face him now" she concluded.  
>Hotch looked at the ground. He needed to think.<br>Then he looked back up again. His eyes sought contact. He was searching for some hesitation, fear, reluctance, anything that gave him a reason not to agree with this plan.  
>JJ tried to ban those things from her heart. She kept her pokerface on.<br>"Okay then" her boss finally caved in "if you are sure, then let's do this."


	13. Ch 12 - Operation Gamechanger

**A/N: I hope you guys are still reading this story. Next chapter might be a bit short and 'boring', but it was necessary to tell the story. Please let me know if you like it/ don't like it :)**

_Operation Game Changer _

They spent all day long setting up the operation. The plan was to act as if all they wanted was to get JJ out of here. Then they would drive her to a place where she was 'unattended' for a moment. The moment in which the Unsub should strike and walk into their trap.  
>The first thing they did was to make sure to leave traces and hints for the Unsub. They left digital traces like looking at sites of the different transportations like the airport and the trains, in case the Unsub was skilled enough to hack into their computers. Hotch send text messages to JJ and Rossi, keeping them informed about the 'status update'. Saying things like:<br>_'JJ, you're not staying here, we're going put you on the first plane home' _  
><em>'Train has enormous delay, Rossi can you contact our pilots again?'<br>'JJ, grab your stuff we're going to drive you to a safe place out of town where you can wait for our pilots to pick you up'  
><em>In case that the Unsub didn't have the tools or skills to read their digital traces, they made sure that the gossip got out.  
>Derek casually told some of the other agents what the plan would be, 'coincidentally' in front of a little local store where they were 'incidentally' overheard by the owner.<br>The place that they would bring JJ to was a little vacation house owned by detective Jackson a few towns over. There they would station Cal Morris and Derek Morgan outside of the house with a few agents and Hotch would made sure he was already inside the house, hiding in one of the rooms with a couple of agents.  
>They had to leave early so they would already be there when JJ would arrive. Again sending each other text messages saying that Hotch and Morgan were going to pay a visit at the first victim of the Unsub, in the hope the Unsub would read it. Hopefully the Unsub would feel some false sense of security. To increase that false sense Rossi would actually pay a visit to Jeremy Benton, with the excuse to get a status update on the memorial of Miranda.<br>To not raise any further suspicion a couple of agents would be manning the station together with Reid, that would coordinate the operation from there.  
>One agent was given the assignment to drive JJ there, since they were not going to let her drive by herself.<br>Everyone was suddenly busy with giving orders, writing down their moves, arranging the right material like the listening devices, studying the route they were going to drive, looking at the layout of the house.  
>It was like the whole world was spinning around her.<p>

JJ had secluded herself for a moment in a small corner of the room, trying to shut out the noises that where surrounding here.  
>She felt how her nerves took over. Her hands started to tremble slightly and she put them in her pockets before anyone could notice. Hastings face kept reappearing in her mind. A smug on his face, like he wanted to tell her 'you're going to be screwed after all'. She rubbed her face, hoping the image would be rubbed away as well.<br>She needed to be tough, she could do this.  
>She was so consumed by her own thoughts that she didn't notice her boss standing right next to her.<br>"JJ?" his familiar voice shook her out of it.  
>She looked over at him.<br>"We are ready to wire you up" he said.  
>She only gave him a nod, the nauseous feeling in her stomach prevented her from speaking.<br>He closely observed her.  
>"Hey, you don't have to do this. We can still blow this off if you want to?" he tried to stay calm but couldn't hide his concern.<br>JJ shook her head, that was not what she wanted.  
>"No I'm fine Hotch. Let's do this" she give him a little smile, the best she could do at that point.<br>"Are you sure?" he asked again.  
>JJ nodded.<br>He gently and shortly placed his hand on her arm.  
>Hotch rarely made any physical contact and when he did, like now, it send an electrical shock down her body. Her heart got an extra boost to pound a bit harder.<br>"JJ, remember that when you're in the car.." he said averting his eyes, he paused and his eyes sought hers again "I'm already there."

They got her wired up and she'd put on a thin bullet vest underneath her clothes.  
>Hotch, Morgan and Morris had already left. They would've probably reached the house by now.<br>JJ waited next to Reid, whom sat near the police radio. Reid's phone buzzed.  
><em>'We're at the first victim, keep an eye on JJ'<em> it said in somewhat code language in case the Unsub would read it as well.  
><em>'Okay, she will be escorted to the safe house in a moment' <em>Reid texted back.  
><em>'Good'<em> was the short answer of Hotch.  
>Reid looked at JJ. Was it just her or was the room filled with tension?<br>"Are you ready?" Spence asked her.  
>She smiled at him and nodded.<br>He stood up and awkwardly lingered around JJ.  
>She waited for him to speak.<br>"You know that everything is going to be okay, right? Everyone is waiting for you in and around the house" he said.  
>"I know, thanks Spence" she closed in and spontaneously hugged him. Somewhere hoping that it would offer her comfort or relief.<br>Although she felt some warmth of the friendship, she didn't find it.  
>After a short hug they were joint by the officer that would drive her to the house.<br>"Agent Jareau are you ready?" he asked.  
>"Yes, let's go" instinctively she placed her hand on her right hip, feeling her gun.<br>They walked both down the small corridor leaving Spence behind.  
>She looked over her shoulder to her friend.<br>"See you in a couple of hours" she said bravely.  
>He smiled back at her before disappearing out of her sight.<p>

Once they were in the car she could tell that the officer did everything he could to make her feel at ease.  
>He made some nice jokes, said some comforting words and started small talk.<br>JJ very much appreciated it, although she could still feel the nerves rushing through her veins.  
>The fact that she was wired up didn't help either. She felt weirdly self aware that everyone could hear their conversation. So not only did she had to keep up appearances for the officer next to her, but also to everyone that was listening along. The one that came to mind first was ofcourse Hotch.<br>JJ tried to keep up with the jokes and small talk but the anxious feeling kept coming back.  
>The pretending was wearing her out.<br>She looked out of the window, the officer saw it and got the hint. He turned on the radio to fill the silence so she was excused from talking.  
>Suddenly she heard Reid's voice in her ear. JJ almost jumped! She had forgotten that he was the only one that could actually report back to her.<br>"JJ, can you turn the music down a bit? We need to be able to hear what's going on" Spence said.  
>She quickly turned it down. The officer gave her an apologized look. She gestured that it was okay.<br>She rest her head against the window. If the weather wasn't so bad, she could've seen the beautiful nature surrounding here. The trees, the mountains. But all she could see was the rain pouring down. She felt sorry for Cal and Derek. They must be freezing out there, kneeling in the mud somewhere. JJ hoped that they had found some shelter.  
>The thought that if everything went well, the whole case could be over in a couple of hours was almost bizarre. They have felt so powerless all this time. Like Cal had said, all this time it was as if they were chasing a ghost.<br>What would his face look like? How will it feel to face him? Would it haunt her the same way that Hastings face did?  
><em>"He will take you, just like he took me.."<br>_In a split second that whisper entered her mind. A flash from her nightmare.  
>He is not going to take me, he is not going to take me..<br>JJ reassured herself by quickly touching her gun.  
>It was still there, and she would use it if necessary.<br>Her heart kept pounding.  
>She nervously bit her nails.<br>No, she was going to be fine. She had a gun and an armed officer next to her.  
>But the only thought that calmed her down was that of what Hotch had said: <em>"JJ, remember that when you're in the car, I'm already there."<br>_It soothed her, knowing that she was driving towards him.  
>"Hey JJ, I can't really hear you. I think the signal is quite weak. Could you say something for me?" it was the second time that she jumped when she heard Reid's voice. Must be the damn weather she thought.<br>"Wow the weather is pretty bad" she said more against Reid than to the officer next to her.  
>"Yeah, luck is not on our side as far as the weather is concerned" he answered.<br>"I think there might be a thunderstorm coming" by now Reid must've gotten his answer that could explain the weak signal.  
>She'd expected him to say something back, but it was silent at the other end of the radio.<br>Apparently it was fixed again or something like that. She didn't hear any further complains.  
>She checked her watch and estimated that they would've to drive for 20-30 minutes before arriving.<br>Before she could end this terrible ghost hunt.


	14. Ch 13 - Now you see me now you don't

_Now you see me, now you don't _

The stress he had felt all day had disappeared. Nothing could break his focus.  
>Garcia had installed some track and trace system on his phone that was connected to a sender inside the car, so he was able to follow the car.<br>He checked it and then checked his watch. He expected them to arrive in 20 minutes.  
>The rain was ticking on the window and roof.<br>He had hidden himself in what must be a little study room on the first floor of the little house that served as a vacation house. They had intensively studied the lay-out of the house and this room was the closest to the stairs and where he could reach her the fastest.  
>Cal and Derek had installed themselves somewhere outside. Freezing to the bone in this weather. He didn't envy them. Normally he would've suggested to switch places to spare his team member. But this time he wanted to take no risks and be the one that was closest to JJ.<br>He checked the track & trace system again. Okay, still on schedule. Wait! He was about to put it away when he noticed something weird.  
>He took a closer look. Were they... were they even moving?<br>"Agent Hotchner, everything okay?" one of the two officers with him asked.  
>"Come here" Hotch ordered and the guy walked over to him.<br>"Look, do you see any movement?" they both stared quietly at the screen, trying to discover any movement of the car.  
>"No sir, I don't think so" the officer said after a while.<br>Hotch's heart froze.  
>But if something was wrong Reid would've told him that, right?<br>"Reid", he said to his watch which had alittle microphone attached.  
>No answer.<br>"Reid!" he said again, louder this time.  
>Still no response.<br>Then his phone rang.  
>Hotch looked at it and his fears were confirmed: Incoming call: Reid.<br>"Reid what happened?" Hotch immediately said.  
>"I don't know Hotch, I can't reach or hear JJ. The signal is dead, I think someone might have intercepted it" Reid panicked.<br>"Call Garcia!" he ordered angrily.  
>"I already did, she's looking into it right now."<br>"Keep me updated! I'm going to drive there right now!" Hotch ran down the stairs, the two officers quickly followed him.  
>"Go find SSA Morgan and det. Morris" he yelled to them. Within a few steps he had reached a car and hit the gas.<p>

His eyes shifting from his phone to the road.  
>Come on! Come on!<br>He hit the gas even harder.  
>It was all going too slow.<br>He looked at his phone.  
>JJ's car still hadn't moved.<br>Reid called him.  
>"Yes" Hotch quickly turned on the speaker.<br>"Hotch, Garcia has confirmed that someone has intercepted the signal. She'd traced JJ's phone but it's still at the same spot as the car" Hotch grew nauseous from fear.  
>"I'm almost there" he said. Hotch had to bite his tongue to avoid blaming Reid but he somehow did, even when he knew it was unreasonable.<br>"Okay, Morgan and detective Morris should be right behind you" Reid said.  
>Hotch abruptly ended the call.<br>The wipers on his windshield were working like crazy. He focused on the road before him, adjusting his speed now.  
>Suddenly he saw the car at the side of the road, with one of the doors open.<br>He stopped and parked on the spot.  
>Hotch took a few steps toward the car, but the side of a bloody window made him stop.<br>He could feel how his heart dropped.  
>No, no, no..<br>A part of him wanted to turn around and drive off but instead he took another few steps toward the car. One of his hands attached to his gun, the other one trembled when he opened the door.  
>On the driver's seat sat a unknown officer.<br>His head covered in blood. Dead.  
>Hotch averted his eyes.<br>But the sight that was to come even shocked him more.  
>That of an empty passenger seat.<p>

His eyes were frantically looking for the shape of a tall, slim woman. But nobody was there. This place was completely abandoned, the car as his only companion.  
>He felt how fear took control of his body. He had this urge to call out JJ's name real hard and to run to every corner to find her. Instead he froze. His heart pounded in his throat.<br>"JJ" he whispered, finding his voice back slowly. Then he called her name, louder and louder "JJ!"  
>Hoping that she would suddenly jump from behind a tree waving with both hands as if it were all just one big, bad joke.<br>He grew quiet. Suddenly a soft buzz reached his ear. Then he saw it. There, on the ground, in the dirt was a small cell phone that said 'incoming call: Reid'.  
>In the distance another black SUV drove toward him with higher speed than was permitted. It pulled over next to his car and a worried Derek and Cal stepped out. Slamming the door harder then they probably intended.<br>With a fast pace Cal walked toward him, seeking eye contact with Hotch.  
>"Hotch!" Derek shouted, "any sign of her?"<br>Hotch tried to control his emotions, he shook his head.  
>Derek looked at him in disbelief, then ran in to the woods, shouting her name.<br>But the Unsub wasn't there. He had a vehicle. And by now, with a lead of at least 15 minutes, he was probably long gone.  
>The young detective walked to the car. He moaned at the sight of his dead college.<br>"Close all the roads in and out this town" Cal yelled at his cellphone "don't let any car or vehicle pass the borders! We got one agent abducted and an officer down, call for an ambulance."  
>It was pointless though, he was dead. A gunshot wound to his head.<br>Hotch felt numb like the world was spinning around him, while all he could do was just stand there. But he had to move. He had to for JJ. They had to seize every opportunity they had to catch this man, no matter how small.  
>He forced his legs to move.<br>"Agent Hotchner?" the detective asked.  
>"Stay at the crime scene" he ordered.<br>His muscles were stiff as he opened the door of his car and took place behind the wheel.  
>He just had to do something, had to search for her, had to try at least.<br>He drove off with high speed, rushing towards one of the borders. Praying that the Unsub would've taken the same route.  
>Praying someone would help him, that someone noticed anything weird. Maybe JJ had found a way to delay him, maybe he could catch up with them.<br>Somewhere in the distance he heard the police radio trying to reach him.  
>His phone went, it took him a few seconds before realizing that he had to answer.<br>"Sir?" he could hear the voice of the technical analyst.  
>"What have you got for me Garcia?"<br>"N-nothing sir" she stuttered "I just wanted to say the local police are putting up road blocks now. But they can't do all the borders, they don't have enough manpower."  
>Damn these small towns, Hotch cursed internally.<br>"Sent me coordinates, I can drive to one of them. And Garcia, I don't care what you have to do, I don't care how many rules you have to break, find her!"  
>"O-okay sir" with a shaky voice she ended the call.<br>JJ couldn't just vanish!  
>He almost lost her once. It had taken him a long time to shake the image of her being almost stabbed to death. The thought that something like that could happen again was too much to bear.<br>He couldn't lose her. 


	15. Ch 14 - Heat

**A/N: thnx again for the reviews they gave me the boost I needed to write this next chapter :) must say that I was a bit insecure if people were still reading this story, cause of the lack of response on the previous 2 chapters :). So it's nice to know that that's still the case. Hope you like the next chapter ^^**

_Heat _

There was silence.  
>There should be noise though. People should be walking around, exchanging ideas, talking loudly, finding solutions, discussing strategies.<br>But it was dead silent.  
>A silence that made the air around them heavy and pressured their hearts.<br>Hotch felt blind, like darkness had crawled up on him, got a hold of him, chained him and made him its slave.  
>He had trouble breathing, he had trouble thinking. The only thing he could do properly was feeling the pain that was angrily poking his heart.<br>He should've listened to his own logic, he should've never authorized this mission. This could all have been prevented.  
>Everyone in the room knew it. And everyone blamed themselves for different reasons.<br>His team members had difficulty making eye contact with him. But he didn't care. Let them sweat, they deserve it. They deserved worse.  
>Then the man he hated more than himself entered the room. Detective Morris looked at the defeated men.<br>He never looked more serious and more of a mess than he did right now.  
>"How could this have happened?" he asked straight to the core, breaking the silence and phrasing the question that was on everyone's mind.<br>Hotch bit his tongue and gave Cal a deadly stare.  
>Reid scraped his throat.<br>"Well the only logical explanation is that this man must've had inside knowledge of this mission. He wasn't fooled by all the false hints we gave him. He intercepted the signal, rendering the listening devices useless. That must have been the moment he struck" the young genius said.  
>"We didn't account for the possibility that we're dealing with someone from the inside" Derek added as if he wanted to excuse himself.<br>"Hold on! You think that this Unsub is one of my own?" Cal's voice was drenched in disbelief, anger even.  
>"This Unsub is always a step ahead of us, even this time. He had all the knowledge we had and attacked JJ at the most vulnerable moment. How else can you explain that?" Hotch spoke. It wasn't a question, but an accusation.<br>Everyone looked uneasily, except for Cal. He turned toward the superior, frowning while his eyes narrowed.  
>"Be very careful with what you say agent" he warned "I trust these officers with my life. Hell! One gave his life to protect your agent!"<br>"Protect?" Hotch spit the word out "if it wasn't for you, my agent didn't need any of your so called protection."  
>Cal Morris took a step back in disbelief. He blinked a couple of times.<br>"Yes, I was the one who came up with the idea, but we all agreed to it! JJ not in the last place. She wanted this" he said. Something inside Hotch snapped when he spoke her name. How dare he use that nickname.  
>"After you practically forced her! How could she have said no?" he shouted now.<br>"Guys!" Rossi stood up "Stop it! This won't bring her back, it's a waste of energy. Energy that we should be focusing on bringing JJ back! We owe it to her!"  
>Hotch and Morris looked at each other for a second, neither of them was finished. But Rossi was right, they had to bury their disagreements for now and work together to find JJ. They gave each other a silent, angry look, but swallowed their words.<br>"Okay" Rossi took the lead "JJ has been missing for about roughly 3 hours, that gives us some time to find her. Let's assume for a moment that it's one of your officers, tell me about your team Cal."  
>"What do you want to know? There are one by one good, hardworking guys. Some are even on a break down by all these murdered women" he tried to get his composure back, but surely didn't like where this was heading.<br>"Listen, we don't want to jump to any conclusions, and we didn't came here to accuse your officers but we need to keep that option open. Unfortunately it's not the first time we've seen an officer go bad" Derek tried to calm Morris down.  
>He shook his head, accepted the situation.<br>"Okay, well I honestly wouldn't know whom to think of" he said unfeigned.  
>"Are there any officers that moved here recently?" Reid asked, poking his memory.<br>Morris thought. Then slowly shook his head.  
>"No, last one that joined us was Bobby. Well he turned up dead today, giving his life to this case. So I think you're safe to cross him of your list" he couldn't hide the emotional tremble in his voice.<br>Suddenly Hotch got an uneasy feeling, aware that both of their colleges were jeopardized today. Maybe he was a bit too harsh. He wasn't the only one that lost someone, but his agent was still alive. He could only focus on her and pushed his conscious aside.  
>"We're sorry for your loss detective" Rossi sighed "forgive us that we're only focusing on our agent."<br>Cal shrug off his apology.  
>"Don't apologize, you're not the only one that wants JJ back safe" he said surprisingly.<br>Hotch eyed him. What did he actually mean by those words?  
>Was he...? Did he...?<br>He swallowed, up until now he had denied what was going on between the two.  
>But could it be that Cal has fallen for her? More than he has realized? And what about her?<br>Another pain pinned his heart.  
><em>'Come on Aaron, this isn't relevant now'<em> he said to himself.  
>He scraped his throat.<br>"Morgan go talk to detective Jackson. Whoever this is, he is someone that has access to our information. Rossi, Reid and detective Morris if you guys would be so kind to go over the whole team. Detective Morris we don't want to cause a fuzz or suspicion in your team, especially not in such a delicate time" Hotch said referring to the death of Bobby "but we do need to do this. We need to rule people out or see where it leads us."  
>Hotch could tell that he lost the respect of the detective, but he was man enough to agree with to the interviews.<br>He nodded, it was better that he wasn't present during the interview. Hotch walked out of the room. Out of the station.  
>A lump in his throat cut his breath.<br>His pace fastened.  
>Once he was outside, in the air, he caved. Leaning with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. Feeling like he could throw up any moment.<br>The thought that this man had JJ, that he sexually assaulted these women before murdering them, was too much.  
>He had barely recovered from the first time that she was abducted. It had left deep traces in his heart, and visible traces in his face.<p>

He took a walk. Firm steps led him into a forest.  
>Trying to push away the image of a vulnerable JJ, looking at her attacker, angry and at the same time begging. Where would the Unsub keep her? And how would he restrain her? JJ had some great fighting skills, sure she didn't have the strength to physically compete with a man, but Hotch couldn't remember any bruises on the other victims. So he didn't physically constrained them.<br>Then how did he do it? He drugged them, he answered his own question. He drugged them, but by the time they found them the toxic had left their system.  
>He closed his eyes, immediately the image of JJ appeared, lying unconsciously on the ground. Slowly a man was kneeling next to her, touching her blonde hair..<br>No, no, no he didn't want to see this.  
>He shook his head.<br>Pushed it away.  
>The moment when there was some room in his head, it was filled with Cal's voice: <em>"...you're not the only one that wants JJ back safe..."<br>_Hotch knew they'd hit it off right away. There was a connection, even though he tried to close his eyes for it.  
>He wondered the depth in which he had charmed himself into JJ's heart.<br>Despite JJ's thick walls he somehow broke through them, and that in just a couple of days. How well did they even knew Cal Morris?  
>Suddenly he was stopped by thoughts that followed each other so rapidly that he barely could keep up with them.<br>Cal was the one with the slight southern accent, he'd moved here, he was immediately charmed by the blonde JJ, he was an officer that was had the knowledge of police procedures and materials, he was the one that lead the operation in the way he wanted to, he knew every step they were going to take, he was the one who knew which of the surveillance cameras were real and which ones were fake, he was the one that knew about the operation, he was the one that suggested to use JJ as a bait.. plus there was no damaged found on Miranda Benton's car so that must've meant that she'd stopped for someone - who wouldn't stop if a detective pulled you over?  
>Oh no! Could this be true? Was Cal Morris the Unsub?<p>

A fire was lit inside of him. An unstoppable, all consuming fire.  
>He skipped that phase of anger and immediately went to rage.<br>The adrenaline ran through his body.  
>He threw the door of the station open and walked straight to the office of the detective.<br>Cal looked up, he opened his mouth to say something but Hotch grabbed his shirt with both hands.  
>"Where is she!" he screamed and shook him.<br>"What the.." the stunned detective muttered.  
>"Where is she!" he repeated.<br>This time the detective pushed back, Hotch's hands let go of his shirt as he took a few steps back.  
>"What are you talking about!" he yelled.<br>"Oh you must have been so delighted when you first saw JJ! She was exactly your type, wasn't she?" he pointed to his face.  
>Cal frowned, suddenly realizing what Hotch was saying.<br>"You think that I took JJ?" the detective yelled out.  
>"Stop playing dumb! Tell me where she is!" Hotch raged.<br>"You're crazy!" Cal yelled in anger.  
>The rage took over. Before he knew it he pushed Cal with both hands away. Putting all his build-up frustration in de push, Cal lost his balance and almost tripped while taking a few steps back.<br>He looked at him and snapped. Hotch felt his fist land in his stomach and he gasped for air.  
>He rebounded by punching him in his face and quickly afterwards in Cal's stomach.<br>The detective nearly collapsed, puffing and groaning.  
>But ready to go for another round.<br>"Hotch!" Rossi and Morgan both entered the room. They ran towards their boss.  
>Rossi's hands grabbed Hotch's shoulder dragging him away from the detective that was bleeding now. Morgan placed himself between Hotch and Cal, one hand placing on Hotch's chest while his other hand stretching toward the detective in an effort to separate the two.<br>Hotch breathed heavily.  
>"Hotch what are you doing! What's going on!" Rossi demanded to know.<br>"He.." Hotch pointed at Cal who gave him are dark stare "he is our Unsub!"


	16. Ch 15 - The awakening

**A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews! :D It's so great to see you guys thinking along. Next chapter is a pretty short one, but more to follow soon :)**

_The awakening_

Darkness.  
>Heaviness.<br>Fog.  
>Aarghhhh.<br>A long groan..  
>Did she made that sound?<br>W-what happened?  
>Shiver...<br>Cold.. she was ice cold.  
>She was lying on something cold and hard.<br>Concrete?  
>Where was she?<br>She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids were too heavy.  
>Too much effort.<br>Time dissolved.  
>JJ slipped in and out of consciousness.<br>The fog in her head slowly diminished.  
>Argh..<br>She sighed.  
>She had to open her eyes, but she was so cold and tired.<br>C'mon.  
>She blinked a couple of times and finally succeeded in opening her eyes fully.<br>But when she did she saw the same things as when her lids were closed: darkness.  
>She was surrounded by it.<br>Breathed it.  
>Became it.<br>Where was she?  
>How did she get here?<br>She tried to lift her arm, her hand but she couldn't.  
>Everything was so heavy.<br>Oh no, was she tied up...?  
>She panicked, her eyes widened.<br>She frantically started to move her hands and legs. The adrenaline giving that extra boost that she needed to move.  
>No, she wasn't tied up.<br>But then again she didn't need chains, gravity was holding her down.  
>What happened?<br>She was digging her memory to find the answers:  
>The team, they were working a case, Alaska, detective Morris, frustration, murdered women, she was the bait, the ride, they went to Hotch...<br>JJ was frowning in the dark.  
>She never reached Hotch, did she?<br>They were in the car, she and that nice agent, driving, they had about 20 minutes to go when suddenly...  
>Black.<br>Like her memory was shutting something out.  
>A hard noise!<br>A flash blinded her.  
>She blinked, orientated.<br>A light was turned on.  
>She was in a small room, no bed, no nothing, empty.<br>"Who's there?" she whispered.  
>A shape of a tall man appeared in the doorway.<br>JJ tried to focus, but she was too tired. Her vision was still blurry.  
>"Who are you?" she asked bravely.<br>The figure kneeled next to her.  
>She turned her head a bit towards his and blinked.<br>She saw the corners of his mouth curling up.  
>Her eyelids became heavy again, JJ fought to keep them open.<br>She was drugged. She had to be.  
>Something brushed her hair.<br>Her blonde hair.  
>She breathed fast and shallow.<br>"My team will find you" it was as if someone else spoke the words. Her voice sounded distorted. Her tongue felt swollen. She had been drunk only a few times in her life and now she sounded exactly the same.  
>He didn't respond immediately but kept stroking her hair.<br>She was about to wonder if he had heard her, when he suddenly very calmly said: "maybe they will, maybe they won't. But by the time they figure it out, it will be too late."  
>Even in her drugged situation that last sentence send shivers down her spine.<br>He brought her hair to his face. She heard deep inhales, he was smelling it she realized.  
>He held his breath for a few seconds and then released a sound that sounded like a simultaneous sigh and groan. A deep longing.<br>"Agent Jareau, do you know who I am?" he asked after a little while.  
>It was silent for a moment while the question slowly sunk in.<br>"You're a narcissistic psychopath that.."  
>He interrupted her.<br>"No, no agent Jareau. Not what I am, but who I am?" he asked again very patiently.  
>JJ turned her head toward him. Tried to focus again on his face, but it was as if she was looking through a cloud of fog. A detail became sharp and then it was one big blur again.<br>"You w-won't get... you won't get.. a-away.. you're sick.. y-you y-you" she rumbled, feeling her consciousness slowly slipping away.  
>"Hush hush" a deep manly voice hissed.<br>JJ closed her eyes.  
>"Go to sleep, we've got enough time later."<p> 


	17. Ch 16 - No longer facelessnameless

**A/N: hope you guys like this next chapter :) It's a bit short like the last one but hope you like it anyway ^^**

_No longer faceless, no longer nameless  
><em> 

"He is our Unsub!" Hotch heard himself yell, pointing at the bleeding detective.  
>Rossi's and Morgan's head swiftly turned around, looking at the detective.<br>He held both his hands in the air.  
>"What! Come on guys! He's acting crazy!" Cal exclaimed.<br>"You moved here, you know everything about the operation, you suggested JJ to be the bait! All this time you acted so innocently and we all fell for it" Hotch spoke rapidly.  
>"I moved here when I was twenty! My mother grew up here in Alaska! You were there, we all discussed the operation. You guys were involved in every single step we took" Cal defended looking at Rossi and Derek.<br>Rossi blinked a couple of times.  
>Then he turned towards his superior.<br>"Hotch go take a walk, now!" he hissed in his ear.  
>"Dave he.." he sputtered but was quickly interrupted.<br>"No Hotch! Detective Morris is not our Unsub, now go!" his eyes pierced into his.  
>Hotch shook his head.<br>Rossi nodded at Morgan that understood the hint.  
>"Come on Hotch" he whispered and placed his hand on his back gently forcing him out of the room. Frustrated he shook his hand off.<br>"I'm sorry, JJ has been abducted before and it has left a deep impact on all of us" Hotch could hear Rossi say to Morris, while walking down the corridor.

"Hotch what were you thinking man?" Derek still couldn't believe what had just happened "you're lucky if Cal doesn't report this. Using excessive violence against an officer on duty, that's not good. You can get suspended."  
>"I know.." he felt how he choked. Losing his temper like that, wasn't like him at all.<br>"I know you're frustrated, we're all frustrated! But you're our boss, we need to be able to trust that we can rely on you!" his words were like a dagger to his heart.  
>"But Derek, the Unsub must be someone from the inside.. Cal has all the knowledge when it comes down to these cases.. he.. he suggested JJ to be the bait.. he.." Hotch could hear how weak it suddenly sounded. What first sounded so logical to him, had become an incoherent string of words.<br>"Hotch, Morris was with me waiting outside in the rain for JJ, he can't be the Unsub, unless you think we're dealing with a team" his brown eyes closely obeserved him.  
>Hotch blinked, how could he have overlooked that...<br>Something in his gut told him they weren't dealing with a team.  
>"You're right" he finally admitted, putting his pride and anger aside.<br>"Hotch what's wrong with you? I've never seen you act before like this" Derek asked slightly unsure now, wondering what was happening to his boss.  
>The SSA chocked up.<br>He felt tears piercing behind his eyes.  
>"Derek you know what that guy is doing to his victims before killing them" he couldn't speak the words, he just couldn't.<br>Morgan swallowed and looked at the ground.  
>"I know Hotch" he didn't make any false promises, didn't tell him that they were going to find JJ in time, he didn't tell them everything was going to be okay.<br>"But Hotch" Derek continued "you need to keep your head in the game."  
>It was humiliating that his colleagues had to correct him.<br>He glanced over at him. Gave him a barely visible nod.  
>They went back to the station, where a blood stained Cal was looking at them.<br>Hotch might had overcome his pride towards Derek, but he had still too much pride left to apologize to detective Morris.  
>"We're very sorry Cal, the emotions ran high" Morgan apologized on his behalf, when he realized his superior wouldn't.<br>Cal stared at the agents.  
>Then shrugged.<br>"No worries, let's just focus on getting her back unless you still think I'm the Unsub" he asked bitterly.  
>Hotch shook his head. "No we don't detective."<br>"Good, cause I've given some thought to what you said. About knowing the operation, dodging the cameras.. I think you're right that the Unsub is very closely involved with this investigation, but I really can't imagine that is anyone of my officers" Cal said, a frown gave away that he was thinking. "Hey guys!" Reid entered the room like he was on speed, he stopped at the sight of the beaten detective and looked for his members for answers.  
>"Go on Reid" Hotch ordered.<br>"Uhm okay.. Well I was looking at the photos of the crime scene" he placed the pictures on the table and Cal looked away when his dead colleague appeared on them, his head resting against the bloody window.  
>"Look how the car was found. The blood was on the window of the driver's seat. So he was shot form JJ's point of view, right?" he said, oblivious to the emotional impact the photos had on Cal.<br>The team nodded.  
>"But look, all the windows were intact" the youngest member pointed to the pictures.<br>"So your officer was shot from inside the car.." Rossi said.  
>There was a heavy silence. Everyone was considering the same, illogical, weird, but still possible option.<br>Then Cal finally broke the silence.  
>"You don't think JJ shot him... right?"<br>It was too absurd to be true.  
>"Perhaps, she was convinced that he was the Unsub..." Derek suggested.<br>But Hotch shook his head.  
>"No, JJ wouldn't shoot someone and then run. She has been taken by the Unsub, and the Unsub is the one that shot your officer" the moment he said it, was the moment he knew he was speaking the truth.<br>"But how do we explain the fact that he was shot from JJ's point of view?" Rossi asked again.  
>"Because the door was open" Hotch said.<br>"Well it wasn't forced or damaged so that means JJ must've opened the door.." Rossi said.  
>"It's just like Miranda Benton. She pulled over for the Unsub as well.." Cal added.<br>"But why on earth would JJ do that while being on a mission as a bait for crying out loud!" Derek asked.  
>"Because of the signal!" Reid looked up fast, his eyes frantically going through the left of the corner to the right "the signal of the listening device was lost! So 'one of us' drove to them with the excuse that he had to fix it before they could proceed with the mission" he spoke fast.<br>Hotch's heart pounded like crazy.  
>"Oh God, you're right.. " he took over "he knocks on the window, probably first on the window of the officer. The officer opens the window, the Unsub tells him that the listening device has lost its signal and that he was ordered to go and fix it. JJ opens the door. He kneels next to her, pretending to fix it and shoots the officer and probably sedates JJ instantly and abducts her.."<br>Everyone looked at each other in shock. Stunned that suddenly this case was unwrapping so fast that it almost made them dizzy.  
>"Bobby would only pull over for someone he recognized" Cal said.<br>"Detective do you have any technical/ supporting staff who help the police?" Hotch asked.  
>"We do actually, we've got three men" Cal let out a sigh and closed his eyes "I know who it is now. It's Wilbert Ray Franklin."<p> 


	18. Ch 17 - The hunter and his prey

**A/N: thnx again for the reviews, they really motivate me to keep on writing this story. Warning: next chapter is not appropriate for kids, more abusive and gory than the other chapters. **

_The hunter and his prey  
><em> 

Ray looked at his prey. Her breathing was steady, her blonde hair was spread on the floor.  
>Peaceful.<br>She would wake up in a moment. Her eyes a bit bewildered perhaps.  
>Probably cry a little, plead a little. They all did.<br>Not since his first victim had he ever felt such a rush. She was perfect! No, more than perfect...  
>She didn't have an equal...<br>He knew that the FBI agents were going to figure out who he was eventually.  
>Those stupid agents under the supervision of that agent Hotchner.<br>But they still had to figure out his hiding place. Or the punish room, as he called it.  
>He knew that one of these days it was game over. But that was okay. After her it would never get any better.<br>If he was real quiet he could hear her breathing.  
>Ray had to control himself not to touch her already. His hands trembled against his legs.<br>He so badly wanted to feel her, smell her, hurt her, hear her scream, beg.  
>Maybe he could touch her just for a little bit?<br>He softly touched her, feeling his skin stroking hers.  
>The soft, little hairs on her arm.<br>He worked his way up.  
>Feeling her upper arm, squeezing it, touching her shoulders, her hair.<br>He stroked her throat.  
>Oh how badly did he want to rip her apart, to put the blade of his knife against her skin, slowly pushing it further and further until the skin would rapture.. piece by piece.. and the red blood would come pouring out...<br>How badly he wanted to see the fear in her eyes as she knew that she was going to die, and the last face she would see was his.  
>He felt the sweat from the excitement dripping down his face.<br>He had to control himself..  
>First she had to regain her consciousness.<br>Ray quickly withdrew his hands and took a few steps back.  
>He found himself facing a dilemma.<br>Should he go back to work like he normally did or should he stay here?  
>If they'd already figured out it was him he would drive straight in to their arms. But if they hadn't figured it out, he would draw attention and place a spotlight on him by not showing up for work. There was a way to work this out though.<br>He left the tiny room and locked the door behind him, leaving his prey behind in the pitch dark of the punish room.

The mechanical sound of a lock nudged JJ to open her eyes.  
>Darkness surrounded her.<br>She rolled over to her side, expecting to see her boss lying in the bed next to hers.  
>She couldn't see anything.<br>Something felt wrong. Why was her bed so hard?  
>"Hotch?" she whispered.<br>No answer.  
>"Hotch?" she repeated a bit louder this time.<br>Still no answer.  
>She forced herself to sit up.<br>Touching the hard surface below her.  
>This wasn't right.<br>JJ started to realize that she wasn't in her room in the lodge. And Hotch wasn't here either.  
>"Hotch" she said again, desperate this time. Tears streamed down her face.<br>Against reason she stretched out for the lamp on the nightstand. But her hand was grasping in the air.  
>"Hotch" her voice broke..<br>She was alone...  
>She pushed away the memories that were resurfacing.<br>She knew what had happened but couldn't face it.  
>JJ gathered her strength and stood up. Her arms stretched. It was a weird sensation to not be able to see her own hands, even though they weren't less than 40 inches away.<br>It didn't take long for her hands to reach the walls. She shuffled along the wall, stroking it with her hands.  
>It was a small room.<br>Four feet by four feet she guessed.  
>An empty room.<br>JJ took a deep breath.  
>The room was moist and smelled.<br>JJ pushed her back against one of the corners and slowly lowered until she was on the floor again.  
>The darkness and the quiet not just scared her, it terrified her.<br>She was her only companion. Her feelings, her thoughts. And it drove her crazy.  
>Feelings of desperation, anxiety, insecurity panic collided.<br>More worse and intense than ever before.  
>Not even when she faced Hastings. With him she could at least see what was happening and more importantly she was together with their section chief Matt Cruz.<br>Now she was all alone in the dark. Waiting for her death.  
>Her wires!<br>That thought entered her mind in a flash.  
>She quickly felt her chest, where they were attached.<br>Nothing.  
>He had removed it.<br>Wait..  
>She flinched.<br>What was she wearing?  
>Her legs were freezing. Where were her pants? What happened to her sweater? She was wearing some sort of nightgown? Or was it a dress with sleeves?<br>She couldn't make out for sure in the dark.  
>But that meant..<br>Oh God.. he had touched her!  
>He had removed her clothes, he had touched her body while she was unconscious.<br>The hairs on her arms stood straight up.  
>That thought disgusted her so much that she could barely hold back the urge to vomit.<br>For some reason it was worse than when she was conscious.  
>Now somebody had exercised full power over her body without her having a chance to fight back.<br>The salty tears touched her lips.  
>She wrapped her arms around herself. Trying to guard her body and some of the dignity she had left.<br>What else had he done to her?  
>And what else was he going to do with her? <p>

Ray stared at the text message that he'd received from detective Morris.  
><em>'Simon, Ray and Gary one of the FBI agents is abducted. We need all of our staff and supporting staff on the job. Can you guys come ASAP?'<br>_He hesitated.  
>Was this a trap?<br>Then again it was a believable story.  
>He quickly turned his phone off again, in case they were trying to trace his signal.<br>He could tell him that he was sick. Cal would believe him instantly.  
>From the first abduction he had shown him the 'deep impact' it had on him. It had made him sick of sadness that something that horrible could happen so close to home.<br>He had played the overworked and stressed colleague.  
>It was the perfect act. The perfect getaway.<br>He could call agent Morris and tell him that this was the case that had pushed him over the edge. That he was overworked and couldn't deal with all the horrid anymore.  
>That he needed to get away, he needed to move.<br>Something like that.  
>He knew that, if they weren't on to him, it wouldn't really raise any suspicion.<br>But first he needed to figure out if they were on to him.  
>He grabbed his laptop and entered his password.<br>Then he easily hacked into the system of the police station, like the dozen times he had done so before.  
>He looked at the search history of the last 24 hours.<br>Hmm, nothing important..  
>He scrolled down.<br>What!  
>His blood turned into ice.<br>No!  
>They had searched him. Looked at his background.<br>He took a closer look.  
>They had searched quite intensively.<br>Sure it was a possibility but he'd never really expected them to figure it out so soon.  
>But they knew.<br>They thought they could outsmart him with that text message.  
>Outsmart HIM, for crying out loud!<br>He could see how that agent Hotchner smiled proudly at his colleagues, laughing about how that idiot Ray would walk into their trap.  
>A fire was lit inside Ray's heart.<br>They would pay for their arrogance!  
>He would destroy that smug agent Hotchner.<br>And he knew exactly how to do that.


	19. Ch 18 - Whispers in the dark

**A/N: I was pretty excited to write this one, because I wanted to dig a little into JJ's 'psyche'. Anyway hope you like it :)  
><strong> 

_Whispers in the dark_

Hotch looked nervously over at detective Morris.  
>He held his phone close in his hand.<br>Their hope was on that text message.  
>It was a risk. They could raise suspicion, but they didn't have much time.<br>Morris looked at him, shook his head.  
>They both felt something was off.<br>He should've texted back by now.  
>Hotch's mouth became dry.<br>Was this a mistake? Did they tipped him off?  
>A phone went, but it wasn't that of Morris.<br>Reid answered it.  
>"Garcia?" he asked and he put her on speaker.<br>"Yes, it's me. Fifteen minutes ago your computers were hacked" she rushed.  
>"What?" Morris closed his eyes in frustration.<br>Damn it, they should've seen that coming!  
>"He hacked into the system. I tried to trace the IP address, but I think we can all guess who it was" she sounded defeated.<br>"Then he saw that we looked at his background" Morris looked at Hotch. But a lump in his throat prevented him from speaking.  
>"Can you locate him Penelope?" Derek's tone was urgent.<br>"I'm working on it, but he's skilled and smart and.." she let out a deep sigh ".. I'm working on it."  
>"He is on to us!" Rossi looked at the team members.<br>Hotch nodded.  
>"We need to go to his home address, now!"<p>

She was waiting in the dark.  
>Where did he go?<br>When would he come back?  
>Her heartbeat was irregular.<br>She didn't want to die here.  
>Alone, scared and cold.<br>She closed her eyes as a tear left one of her lashes.  
>JJ let her mind drift off to conversations she had a long time ago.<p>

_A dog appeared behind her.  
>Showing his white teeth, ready to tear the flesh of her bone.<br>Her eyes widened, her hand reaching for the gun next to her.  
>But she kept her eyes at the dog, that was ready to jump at her any time now.<br>She felt her fingertips touching it. And quickly grabbed it, swirling around aiming it at the dog.  
>But the dog was gone and instead of him stood her colleague and her beloved friend Emily Prentiss.<br>"Hey, hey JJ! It's me" she gestured carefully that JJ should take it easy.  
>Immediately she lowered her gun and put it away.<br>She was caught right in her meltdown.  
>"Are you alright?" her alarmed friend asked.<br>"Uhm yeah" she tried to laugh it off "I'm sorry, you scared me."  
>Prentiss shook her head.<br>"I'm sorry" she said sensitively.  
>JJ looked uncomfortable at her.<br>"I'm talking tomorrow to some guy who knew Hankel from narcotics anonymous. Why don't you come with me? Get out of the house"  
>JJ nodded<br>"Yeah" she was grateful of Emily's offer.  
>"Okay, great" her beautiful friend turned around and was about to walk away.<br>"Emily" JJ stopped her.  
>"Yeah?"<br>"How can none of this gets to you?" JJ stopped her.  
>She looked confused.<br>"What?" asked Emily.  
>"You came of a desk job" JJ looked sharply at her "and all suddenly you're in the field surrounded by mutilated bodies and you don't even flinch."<br>"She's right" it startled Emily, Hotch appeared from the shadows behind them "you never even blinked."  
>Emily looked confused from Hotch to JJ.<br>"I guess.. maybe I compartmentalize better than most people" she answered oblivious to the sharp sting it caused JJ.  
>JJ looked at the ground. Ashamed and angry with herself. Prentiss, who just joined their team was functioning better than she was. Reid was abducted and needed her, needed the team. And every single one of them stepped up to the task they had to do, every single one of them except for her. She was having her meltdown.<br>Later that day she walked to her other friend, Garcia.  
>"Any more sign of Reid?" she asked the tech that was watching her screen.<br>Garcia shook her head.  
>"He just posted the last murder online and it got over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes" she said bitterly.<br>"I want to see it.."  
>Her friend kept her eyes on the screens.<br>"No you don't" she said.  
>"Don't tell me what I want and don't want" JJ said harshly.<br>Garcia turned around, looking shocked.  
>It came out meaner than she intended.<br>JJ blinked and looked at the ground.  
>"If I can't watch this, I have no business being in the field" she explained, revealing more than she wanted to.<br>"Jayz it's not a competition" her friend said with a sensitive tone.  
>"I need to see it" JJ raised her eyebrows.<br>"If you stop being affected by things you lose parts of yourself you know?" Garcia nearly pleaded to be heard.  
>JJ looked sideways, she masked her pain with irritation.<br>"Show me" JJ ignored her friend. _

She had ignored what Garcia had said, but her mind had saved every word of that day. She knew it was important, but she'd pushed every memory of that horrible day to the deepest corners of her memory. Nearly losing Reid, due to her fault, was so terrifying that she never wanted to think about it again.  
><em>"I guess, maybe I compartmentalize better than most people" <em>she heard Em say. She was so jealous at her. Being able to effortlessly put aside the horrid to concentrate on the job. To be able to compartmentalize.  
>From that day on she'd decided..., or wait decided was perhaps the wrong word cause it wasn't really a deliberate, conscious decision, it was more like she kept crossing lines. From that day on she kept crossing her own lines, kept pushing her own boundaries until she'd reached a point of no return.<br>_"If you stop being affected by things you lose parts of yourself you know?"_ the voice of her other friend resounded in her head.  
>Was it true?<br>Has she lost parts of herself?  
>And what parts were they?<br>Another memory came to mind.  
>The scenery in her head changed.<p>

_She was in an open field, surrounded by greens.  
>An detective was standing between Hotch, Reid and her.<br>JJ felt awful, angry and nauseous because of this case.  
>Young girls that were abducted, no one knew if they were alive or dead.<br>The detective spoke about the case to Hotch and Reid. _  
><em>JJ took a few steps back and turned around to isolate herself.<br>She didn't want to hear anymore of all this evil in the world.  
>Of men that so easily abused their power and destroyed innocent lives.<br>" I'll catch up" she vaguely heard her boss say.  
>She looked away when she felt his presence near.<br>He turned around so she was forced to face him.  
>He sighed.<br>"Ever since we had Jack, I always dread it when you bring me a case involving kids" he said looking at her.  
>She looked up, confused.<br>"Why are you telling me this?" she asked a bit blunt in an effort to stun her superior.  
>"Every case we work, every case we don't work comes across your desk"<br>"Yeah" JJ nodded, tried to follow where he was going with this.  
>"And most of the victims are women" he continued, keeping his eyes on her "and most of them are about your age."<br>She looked away, suddenly feeling very irritated. It was like he was poking holes in her shield.  
>But he kept on speaking. Gentle and sensitive.<br>"It's okay if you lose it every once in a while, it reminds people that were human."  
>She looked at the ground for a moment. Contemplating those words.<br>She couldn't explain why but she felt vaguely angry over what he'd just said.  
>"You never lose it" she replied, throwing his words back at him.<br>He looked at the sky, holding his breath.  
>"Maybe I should have..." <em>

At that time she had frowned. She'd never really understood what he meant by it.  
><em>"Maybe I should have.."<em> his words echoed in her head.  
>Should have lost it every once in a while.<br>Hotch, her serious boss whom she'd respected probably the most, whom she had looked up to, had never lost it. Never lost his composure, he had always played it cool. Because that was who he was, that was what he had become.  
>A rock.<br>_Maybe I should have_..  
>Maybe.. unconsciously.. she'd always wanted to be like him.<br>Tough, strong.. a rock..  
>Since that horrible day of Reid's abduction she'd barely 'lost it' anymore..<br>Not even when she was abducted by Hastings.  
>Shortly after she went back to work, and did what she did best: being 'fine'.<br>Cause that was what she was. Fine. A rock. Tough. The one that didn't lose it.  
>She even secretly took pride in the fact that nothing could touch her.. nothing could really harm her. JJ always thought that you should hold on no matter what and never give in. When you go through hell you just keep walking and you never look back.<br>Just like her time in Afghanistan.  
>But now she was losing it. She was losing big time and she was dragged over the edge by a dark entity and was falling into a nothingness that didn't have a begin and didn't have an end. She was going crazy, not slowly but rapidly. Like a story that was there all along and now cruelly, without any mercy, unfolding for her to see.<br>Why would Hotch say that he should have lost it? Did he lost parts of himself?  
>Did he warn her that day? Did he warn her for the same thing Garcia had warned her?<br>That she should lose it every once in a while, to prevent that you lose part of yourself?  
>Was that what happened to her?<br>She never lost it, she was always fine. And in doing so, she lost parts of herself.  
>She was already broken for a long, long time without even knowing.<br>She was broken, shattered, incomplete.  
>It was all a lie. Everything she thought she was, was a lie. Her pride blinded her.<br>They had already won. The demons.  
>She just got fooled by them.<br>Now they would have their ultimate victory. She would die, the parts of her that were still there would die.

_'I told you that it would change you'_  
>JJ's heart jumped.<br>"Hastings?" she whispered.  
>Her eyes were frantically looking for him.<br>She heard a cold laugh in her ear.  
>The little hairs on her arms stood up straight.<br>_'Broken little agent Jareau lied to herself.. Told herself they she was tough. Haha, you actually started to believe that you were didn't you? And now it's too late.'  
><em>"Don't" she started crying.  
>She could feel his finger tracing her spine. A shiver was sent from the top of her head to the end of back.<br>_'Once that monster has killed you, I'm coming to collect you. I'll chain you. And then you'll be mine forever' _Hastings voice became soft and ended in a whisper that dissolved in the air around her.  
>She closed her eyes in agony.<br>A tear fell from one of her lashes.  
>Suddenly a loud sound filled the small room. The loud sound of someone opening the heavy door...<p> 


	20. Ch 19 - Endgame

**A/N: Thnx again for the reviews everyone and for following this story ^^ **

_Endgame  
><em> 

They drove faster than ever before.  
>Still it felt like the slowest ride of his life.<br>He kept hitting the gas.  
>Everything around him was blurred.<br>Garcia's voice came from the speaker, but he only heard bits and pieces of what she was saying.  
>He hoped it were the important bits and pieces.<br>"He was hard to trace" her voice said ".. put in foster care when he was 10..", "..changed his last name.."  
>"That's why we couldn't find him" Cal's voice said from the backseat.<br>"... abusive past..."  
>".. father hired a prostitute who had to wear a blonde wig..."<br>"... let me guess blue eyes?" Morgan said, sitting next to him at the passenger seat.  
>Blue eyes.<br>Immediately he saw JJ's blue eyes looking at him in agony.  
>He tried to breathe, but forgot how breathing worked.<br>Garcia had tried to pick up the signal from the wires, but it was dead. That meant that he had removed the wires. The wires that were underneath JJ's clothes. He had touched her...  
>His mind blocked. He couldn't let his thoughts go any further.<br>He hit the gas even harder.  
>A voice said something, but he didn't hear it.<br>"Hotch.."  
>Same voice again..<br>He pulled the wheel sharply to the right, nearly hit a car, steered back.  
>"Aaron!" Morgan shouted this time "slow down!"<br>Hotch blinked, as if he just woken from a dream.  
>He looked next to him.<br>Morgan looked shocked at him, a deep frown on his forehead.  
>He probably called out at him several times before using his first name.<br>Then he checked the speedometer and he almost blushed by what it was seeing, but he didn't really care it.. for them.. for anyone else right now except for JJ.  
>Reluctantly he slowed down.<br>Hotch looked in his rearview mirror.  
>Detective Morris looked worried, but wisely kept his mouth.<br>"The profile gives us a couple of days to find JJ" Derek said in an attempt to not only slow the car down but also Hotch himself.  
>Hotch swallowed.<br>"Well he might deviate from the profile this time" it was the first time he had opened his mouth since they were in the car.  
>"Why is that?" he heard Cal say from the backseat.<br>"Because now he has abducted a FBI-agent. The thrill must be as big as the thrill of his first kill, if not bigger. On many points he has to adjust his MO now. Think about the wires. He knows that it doesn't get any better than this."  
>It was dead silent in the car. Even Garcia stopped talking, as they all were wondering what this would mean for JJ.<br>Hotch continued:  
>"JJ is his endgame."<p>

Hands were all over her body. Touching, invading..  
>She kicked and screamed.<br>Any spot she could find she hit as hard as she could.  
>But he laughed.<br>Her strength was pathetic compared to his.  
>He grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them to the wall.<br>With a force her body landed against it.  
>Her muscles cramped, while she let out a painful groan.<br>A warm breath touched her face.  
>He was just an inch removed.<br>His hands were making their way down her body and stopped at her belly button.  
>His cheek stroked hers as he held his lips near her ear.<br>He moaned.  
>Hastings hands were stroking her bare skin, while his lips were placing kisses in her neck.<br>Or wait, who was this?  
>"Don't.." her voice didn't sound anything like her usual voice.<br>JJ became dizzy.  
>She put all her strength in a push, but he bounced straight back.<br>From the bottom of her being she let out a scream that was filled with all the buildup fear.  
>She scratched his face with his nails. The only thing she could reach.<br>"You bitch!"  
>A sharp blinding pain entered her body.<br>It pushed all the air out of her lungs.  
>Every bit of strength that had kept her up on her feet vanished. She instantly fell down.<br>Her head clashed against the ground.  
>An awful high pitched peep filled her head.<br>"Aargghh" she let it out in a sigh.  
>Something was kneeling next to her.<br>His hands where everywhere and she couldn't keep track of them anymore.  
>The peep slowly disappeared and made place by another sound. Something was pounding..<br>Something, or wait, it was her own heart.  
>It was the sound that filled her mind.<br>Irregular, fast.  
>And then..<br>everything..  
>became..<br>quiet...

A pain he'd never felt before entered his heart, he couldn't place it and it left a vague, unsettling feeling in his soul.  
>They ran towards Franklin's house. Cal at his right, Morgan at his left. Rossi and Reid joining them.<br>He didn't waste any time knocking, but immediately stormed through the front door.  
>"FBI!" they yelled.<br>Rossi and Reid taking the back door so Ray Franklin couldn't escape.  
>"FBI!" he could hear Rossi scream from the other side.<br>"COME OUT RAY" Cal yelled storming in the first room he saw.  
>Hotch took the other room and Derek got his back.<br>"RAY?"  
>Reid and Morgan took the stairs to the second floor.<br>"Ray Franklin?" he could hear some bangs on the doors.  
>Cal disappeared into the living room, Rossi somewhere in the kitchen.<br>Hotch had almost missed it.  
>He took a few steps back.<br>There in the corner, behind some large plants and next to a bookshelf, was a small door. It was barely visible.  
>Hotch shoved the plants, that blocked the entrance, away.<br>"I may have got something" he said loudly.  
>But he didn't wait for any response.<br>He opened the small door.  
>It was pitch dark.<br>Hotch took a few steps into the dark and turned on his flashlight.  
>Just in time, cause if he had taken one more step he would've fallen of a stairway.<br>A cellar..  
>He held his breath while quickly descending the steps.<br>His flashlight had a small range. Only revealing one corner of the room at a time.  
>The temperature of the house immediately dropped once he had reached the floor.<br>He could hear his own breathing.  
>He scanned the room.<br>There were all kinds of shapes covered under white blankets.  
>With a firm movement he pulled one of them off. Dust flew around and danced in the air.<br>Under the white blankets was an old desk.  
>He kept his furniture here.<br>"Agent Hotchner?" the voice of the attractive detective reached him.  
>"I'm here" he yelled back.<br>He could hear some shuffling and another flashlight was turned on.  
>Hotch aimed his light at the detective as he was walking the steps.<br>He looked around the room, Hotch could see the tension in his face.  
>"A cellar" Morris whispered more at himself than at Hotch.<br>"Yes" Hotch, he held one hand on the gun.  
>Both men started to uncover the furniture in an effort to find something important. They both knew that if there was something significant to be found than it was in this room.<br>Without any further negotiation Cal headed to one corner of the room while Hotch was searching the other.  
>He looked in the drawers of the desk but they were empty.<br>Through his little ear he could hear Morgan and Rossi say 'clear'. If the Unsub was in this house than he would definitely hide somewhere in the cellar.  
>Hotch took a quick look in some boxes when he suddenly heard Morris voice: "here, I got something, help me!"<br>Hotch made his way to the detective that was lying flat on his stomach shining his light at something.  
>He kneeled next to him, trying to see what Cal had discovered.<br>"There underneath the closet, you see it?"  
>Hotch narrowed his eyes. There was a closet pushed against the wall but in the little space between the floor and the bottom of the closet was a slit visible.<br>Hotch stood up and gave the detective a nod: "there's a door behind that closet."  
>Cal had done a remarkable job finding this so quickly, and Hotch wanted to tell him but the words got stuck in his throat.<br>Cal nodded back, "I thought so, come help me move this closet."  
>They each grabbed one side of it and pushed and pulled it aside.<br>A very small door was revealed. It was more a hatch than a real door.  
>He opened the hatch.<br>As they expected there was a very small tunnel or passage. Even with their flashlights they couldn't make out the length of tunnel.  
>They looked at each other.<br>They would fit, but it wasn't going to be pleasant, crawling their way through it.  
>"I'll go first" a cramped Cal said.<br>He took his jacket of and placed his flashlight between his teeth.  
>And there he went, flat on his stomach slowly (but as fast as he could) moving forward.<br>Hotch watched the detective disappear in the black hole, before entering it himself.  
>"Hotch?" he could hear Reid's voice in his ear.<br>"Detective Morris and I are in the cellar, we've found a small passage here that we're checking out right now" he said softly in his microphone.  
>He copied Cal and went flat down on his stomach, trying to hold his flashlight in his left hand and his gun in his right.<br>He pushed himself in the passage, the space was so narrow that he had to actively calm himself down.  
>His bullet vest wasn't helping either. He got stuck at one panicky moment, but forced himself free and kept on crawling.<br>"Okay, I'm out" he heard the detective breath heavily.  
>He aimed his flashlight at Hotch, and he got blinded. The detective saw it and quickly lowered his light.<br>A few moments later Hotch joined the detective, relieved that he could stand up again.  
>They inspected the room and Cal found the light switch.<br>The light from the light bulb revealed the room.  
>He could hear Cal gasping for air next to him.<br>All of the four walls were covered in pictures.  
>All pictures of blonde women, blue eyes covered by the word 'die'.<br>Rage..  
>If this room was an emotion, than it was definitely rage.<br>Cal looked at the FBI agent. Shock was written all over his face.  
>Hotch scraped his throat.<br>"Somewhere inside this room lies the answer of where he's keeping JJ. You check the photos for any clues than I'll go check this box " he directed.  
>Cal nodded and started inspecting the photos one wall at a time.<br>Hotch grabbed the box that stood in one of the corners.  
>"Hotch?" he could hear Reid's voice at the other and of the tunnel.<br>"Yeah, here. We found something!" Hotch yelled back.  
>He could hear some shuffling, and Reid crawling into the passage.<br>Hotch opened the box. Inside there were files and notes.  
>He grabbed the first file.<br>Miranda Benton's face appeared. Blue eyes, just like JJ's.  
>Next to her picture stood all kinds of information.<br>Her job, her husband, her address, the route she took from her house to work..  
>Hotch flipped a page.<br>Next he saw a map with several circles on them.  
>Cal looked over shoulder.<br>"What is that?" he asked.  
>"Those are the locations where he could abduct Miranda" Hotch almost whispered.<br>Both men looked at each other with the same look in their eyes.  
>Hope.<br>Hope that at the same time hurt.  
>They each quickly grabbed another file.<br>Reid sighed behind them, he had made his way to the room and was wiping of the filth from his clothes.  
>Once he looked up he was stunned by the overwhelming amount of photos and pictures on the wall.<br>"Reid" Hotch called his name and handed over a file "find the location."  
>"Yeah" Reid immediately focused on the task that was given to him.<br>The three men were trying as fast as they could to scan the information. But every single letter on the papers seemed significant.  
>The detailed plans, the maps, the materials, he had all written it down.<br>Still they were searching for that one piece which revealed JJ's location.  
>Hotch heard a gasp behind him.<br>"I got it!" Reid said with big eyes, holding a paper in his hands.

JJ looked at her hands, they seemed smaller than they used to and the world suddenly seemed bigger.  
>She was in this beautiful, stretched field.<br>In the distance there were trees marking the end of it.  
>She started to run.<br>And she knew exactly where she was running to.  
>Once she had reached the tree, her hand grabbed one of the branches. She placed her foot against the trunk and started climbing.<br>One branch after another.  
>Her hands kept reaching for the next branch and she carefully placed her feet.<br>The higher she climbed the thinner the branches were.  
>But she knew exactly how far she could go.<br>Once she'd almost reached the top a sudden movement made her jump and she lost nearly her balance.  
>First she thought it was a big leaf that had fallen of the tree, but the thing dangled before her eyes.<br>It was a hand.  
>Without saying a word JJ carefully grabbed it and the warm hand pulled her up.<br>She looked at the person that had helped her.  
>"Hi little one" said a familiar voice.<p> 


	21. Ch 20 - Lessons from the grave

**A/N: It's really great to see you guys think along :) A short chapter for now. Will update soon**

_Lessons from the grave_

JJ needed a moment to catch her breath.  
>She frowned and blinked, she couldn't believe her eyes.<br>Blue eyes were looking back at her, the same blue eyes as hers.  
>"R-Ros?" she stuttered.<br>Her sister gave her an encouraging smile.  
>JJ didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She looked enchanted at her beautiful sister.<br>She pointed in the distant.  
>"Look Jen, isn't it beautiful?"<br>JJ followed the invisible line of where her sister was pointing to.  
>She ended at the horizon.<br>From way up here they could see the tops of the trees.  
>The red sun was setting and painted the sky pink and orange.<br>"It's magical" JJ heard herself say.  
>The two sister were watching it quietly, breathing in the beauty of their surroundings.<br>JJ leaned back against her sister, and she wrapped both her arms around her.  
>After a while JJ broke the silence.<br>"I'm going to die Ros.."  
>Her sister stroke her hair quietly.<br>JJ let her head rest against her chest.  
>"I know.." her sister said softly.<br>JJ looked up at her face, she seemed sad and happy at the same time.  
>"That's the ancient tragedy of life I guess, the moment your heart starts beating, the big countdown has begun."<br>They looked at the sky. The orange color had lessened and the amount of pink had grown.  
>"I'm scared" JJ whispered.<br>"Of dying?"  
>JJ shook her head.<br>"No, of living"  
>He sister tilted her head.<br>"Why is that little one?" she asked.  
>JJ swallowed.<br>"Because of all the monsters.. because of all my monsters.."  
>She felt her sisters hand still stroking her hair.<br>"Every time I close my eyes, I can see them Ros. And when I open my eyes they're still there" she felt her tears streaming down her face.  
>Her sister kissed top of her head.<br>"I know" she whispered again and pulled her even closer.  
>JJ felt the full weight the gravity. But this gravity came from within her.<br>She peeked at her sister.  
>She smiled a little.<br>"Do you remember when we were younger and you were afraid of the monsters under your bed?"  
>JJ smiled at the sweet memory.<br>"Sure I do. I used to count to three and then ran straight to your bedroom. Didn't that drive you crazy?"  
>Ros laughed but didn't answer.<br>Instead she asked: "Do you remember what we use to do next?"  
>JJ dug into her memory.<br>"Yeah, you grabbed two flashlights for us. And we went back into my room and searched for the monsters together. Our monster-hunts, we called them. And everytime the light hit a dark spot, the monster would vanish."  
>Her sister placed another kiss on her head.<br>JJ grabbed both of her arms that were wrapped around her tiny body and pulled them even closer together. She didn't want her sister to ever let go of her.  
>"And when I was really scared, I climbed in bed with you and you let me stay with you.." JJ continued. The color of the sky turned from pink into purple.<br>The warmth of the air embraced them.  
>"Ros... I'm just so scared and tired.."<br>"That's because you keep running away from your monsters Jen" said her sisters voice.  
>"But these monsters aren't anything like the monsters from under my bed.. They can hurt me, they can really hurt me.."<br>Her sister didn't respond immediately.  
>"I know.. But monsters can hurt you and monsters can scare you. Being hurt and being scared are two different things Jen. You may not be able to control that they'll hurt you, but you don't <em>have<em> to fear them.."  
>"But how do I not?" the tears draw traces on her cheek.<br>"You already know how, little one. You blind them with light.."  
>"Ros I don't understand.."<br>"Jen, you've became so afraid of getting hurt that you actually forgot how pain feels like. Pain will pass, you can bear it.."  
>"Not all pain though" JJ's voice trembled "the pain of losing you was unbearable."<br>Her sister was quiet.  
>"I've hated you for leaving me! I've hated you Ros. You left me behind in that mess!"<br>"I am sorry little one.. I never meant to hurt you" her voice couldn't hide the regret.  
>"Why did you? Why did you leave me?" it was a question that was present the majority of her life. Sometimes resting on her lips, sometimes in the back of her mind. But always there.<br>"Because I'd forgotten what I'm telling you now. I'd forgotten that monsters can be defeated" Ros buried her face and tears in her little sisters hair.  
>"Ros, it's so dark and I'm all alone.." she kept spilling all of her fears.<br>"Jen, are you alone right now?" her sister said lovingly and patiently.  
>JJ felt the warmth of her sisters body.<br>"No, I'm with you now."  
>She heard her sisters warm laugh.<br>"You see, even in your darkest hour you're not alone."  
>The fear that was in JJ's heart vanished.<br>She wasn't alone. She was surrounded by love, even now.  
>"I'm not so scared anymore" she whispered.<br>Her big sister smiled.  
>"That's because your shining a light" she gently pinched her cheek.<br>They sat there on that big brench, embracing and hugging each other.  
>The purple color that had surrounded them became dark blue.<br>Her sister pulled her back a little bit, she was forced to break the hug. They looked at each other. The same eyes, the same hair.  
>"I don't want to go.." JJ said.<br>"It will be alright Jen. It will all be alright" her sister smiled and stroke her cheek.  
>"Can't I stay?" JJ pleaded.<br>Ros looked at her with a painful yet happy look.  
>"You know what, I'll make it up to you, " she said " when all of this is over, and this will pass, I'll save you a spot next to me in bed. And you can crawl under the blankets with me, okay?"<br>Little JJ smiled.  
>"Promise?"<br>"I promise" he sister said with a nod, "now go, go and defeat that monster for the both of us okay?"  
>JJ gave her a nod.<br>She opened her eyes.  
>She was going to defeat this monster.<p> 


	22. Ch 21 - The fight

**A/N: I wanted to update sooner, but these are busy days. Hope you enjoy the next chapter!**

_The fight_

She opened her eyes.  
>She was alone, he'd left her.<br>Her mind was calm, focused.  
>A weight was lifted.<br>She placed her hand on the ground. Her fingers touched a warm fluid.  
>Blood.. her blood...<br>She was processing it almost objectively.  
>JJ knew she was going to die.<br>And that was strangely okay.  
>She'd accepted it.<br>But what she didn't accept was going down without a fight.  
>Like her sister told her. Ros..<br>The thought of her lit a warm, pleasant feeling in her heart.  
>Peaceful and strong.<br>Instinctively she placed her hand on her thigh and felt a deep cut.  
>He must have stabbed her, but she didn't feel any pain. Her body protected her against it by numbing itself.<br>The adrenaline was keeping her blood pumping through her veins. The adrenaline was keeping her alive for now.  
>JJ stood up.<br>He was going to come back.  
>Ofcourse he was.<br>She felt the wall, gently stroking it until she found the door.  
>She placed herself to the right side of it.<br>When this monster would open it, she would strike him down before he could see it coming.  
>What would happen after that was up to faith.<p>

A deer was peacefully starting nibbling the grass below her when flashes of blue and red disturbed her lunch.  
>The cars proceeded each other quickly, knowing that they hadn't a second to lose.<br>Morris drove one of the cars, since he was most familiar in the area he could find the way more effortlessly than the others.  
>He made sharp turns to the left and the right.<br>The trees near the sand road made it dangerous, but he never once slowed down.  
>Hotch kept checking his gun.<br>Loaded and ready.  
>Reid checked the map.<br>"Guys, it should be here somewhere!" he suddenly exclaimed.  
>Morris hit the break and the car behind him followed his example.<br>They got out and looked as far as they could. But unfortunately that was a short distance, cause the trees of the forest blocked their view.  
>"I don't see anything, no house, no shed.." Morris said to no one in particular.<br>"Garcia couldn't discover any houses in this area. Maybe he got a hatch in the ground?" Reid suggested, it wouldn't be the first time someone had dug a secret hiding place.  
>They were joined by Morgan and Rossi.<br>Hotch shook his head. They would have to search for it.  
>"We have to split up! Morris, Reid go that way" he pointed north, "Morgan, Rossi that way" he pointed to east, "I will go this way. Search for any traces of a car. He could have parked nearby."<br>He was about to run, when Derek stopped him: "Wait Hotch you're going alone?!"  
>He looked at his team.<br>"My men will be here in a few minutes" detective Morris looked worried at him "you can wait for them."  
>No, was the one thought that entered his mind.<br>And Morgan read it.  
>"Hotch, wait for them man" he said worried.<br>"We don't have any time to lose. Go, that's an order! Your officers will find me" his tone was angry.  
>He saw flashes of hesitation in Rossi's eyes, but without saying anything more each headed their own way.<p>

JJ held her breath as the heavy door was opened.  
>She ignored her blood still flooding out of her hip.<br>It made her dizzy, but she focused on the sounds she could hear.  
>The light was turned on, and Ray stood in the doorway.<br>He was scanning the room, but before he could realize JJ was standing next to him, he got a firm kick at his kneecaps.  
>Ray let out an angry scream as he was fallen to the ground.<br>JJ breathed heavily but kept on searching for the weak spots on his body.  
>Next she kicked him harsh, hoping she could break his rib.<br>Then she remembered something she learned from her fighting lessons with Derek, use your elbow cause that the point of your body where you can exercise the most strength.  
>Now that he was on his knees, she put all her strength in her attack and let her elbow crash in his face against his temple.<br>"Aargh!" his hands grabbed his head.  
>JJ could feel the strength being drained from her body.<br>Her muscles were barely able to keep her on her feet.  
>Her vision threatened to become black.<br>She stumbled, holding on to the doorpost.  
>She had to go, had to run while he was still on the ground.<br>JJ sucked in the air. Hoping that the oxygen would rush to her brain and keep her conscious.  
>She pulled herself out of the room. Found herself at a large corridor.<br>She could do this!  
>She could actually escape.<br>Then two hands pulled her hair.  
>JJ fell back right into his arms.<br>His eyes flickered dangerously, she'd waken the beast.  
>JJ wanted to protest, but her body was out of strength. She had lost too much blood. Had weakened too much to fight.<br>He hit her face, dragged her over the floor, hit her stomach.  
>And then placed his hands around her throat.<br>This was it.  
>This was the end of her life. But she wasn't afraid.<br>Soon she would join Ros..

Hotch ran.  
>It was as if it wasn't real, like he was in one of his nightmares. He felt like he was dragging his legs through quicksand.<br>He had to make more speed. Had to be faster.  
>He ran and ran, looking for a car, looking for shed, a hatch.. anything...<br>Before he could see it, he felt it.  
>A sharp pain rushed through his ankles as he tripped over something and felt flat on his stomach.<br>"Aargh!"  
>He bit through the pain and forced himself to get up again.<br>He searched for whatever it was that he'd tripped over.  
>There!<br>An iron handle was hidden in the greens of the bushes and high grass, but it was only partially covered by wet leaves.  
>An rusty lock lay broken next to it.<br>Why not be more careful and take the time to cover it with more leaves?  
>Three possibilities came to mind:<br>Or this wasn't his hiding place.  
>Or he was getting too arrogant and sloppy..<br>Or he didn't had the opportunity to do so, because he was still in there... with JJ.  
>He quickly swiped the leaves off.<br>"I might have got something. There is a hatch here" he whispered in his microphone.  
>Then without waiting for any response he opened the hatch. Staring down a small tunnel.<br>He climbed the iron stairs, that reminded him of the stairs of the sewers, and landed on a concrete floor.  
>He turned his flashlight on.<br>A small corridor.  
>He could never have made this himself, this was an pre-existing building. But what did it served as?<br>He tiptoed down the corridor, holding his breath.  
>'Hold on JJ, I'm almost there' he thought over and over again, hoping that she could somehow hear it.<br>The aisle took an unexpected turn to the right. Hotch flashed with his light.  
>At the end he saw some light..<br>He took a few steps more..  
>There was a door that was opened...<br>... he dropped his flashlight...  
>... a big large shape was in the room...<br>... he held his gun with both hands...  
>... a man kneeling next to a woman...<br>... he started running...  
>... he was choking her...<br>... surrounded by blood...

"JJ!" he let out a scream from the deepest core of his being.  
>The man, Ray, quickly turned his head and stood up.<br>Hotch aimed at him.  
>With a loud bang, the bullet left his gun.. flying towards Ray, ready to end his life, right there on the spot..<br>But missed.  
>Ray jumped to his left, searching for cover. He disappeared behind the thick wall were it was impossible for Hotch to shoot him.<br>"Get out of the room, show me your hands!" Hotch yelled, for a moment his eyes were caught up in the sight of his blonde agent lying motionless in her own blood.  
>"Ray! Show yourself! I won't shoot you" Hotch lied.<br>But no one showed up in the door way.  
>Aaron Hotchner had no other option than to enter the room.<br>Reducing his advantage gigantic.  
>Outside 21 feet he was in control with his gun, but within 21 feet he had the disadvantage.<br>The sweat was making its way down face.  
>Hotch placed one foot in front of the other, and entered the small room. His gun in front of him.<br>He gasped for air!  
>A sharp pain entered his hand. He looked at it, a knife was buried deep into his skin.<br>Automatically he dropped his gun.  
>With a cruel movement Ray pulled the knife out again and lifted his arm.<br>Hotch felt the sharp pain again, tearing the flesh from his upper arm.  
>He lifted his arm again, ready to stab the in the agent for a third time.<br>Hotch quickly blocked the attack by placing one hand on his elbow and the other around his wrist.  
>With a smooth movement, he grabbed his thumb and twisted it.<br>He heard it break under his pull.  
>Ray couldn't suppress a scream as he dropped the knife.<br>Hotch dove to the ground, but before he could collect any of the weapons, he met Ray's shoe.  
>The full impact of his kick was enlarged when his foot met Hotch's scar tissue that he got from the time Foyet had stabbed him a dozen of times. They'd always remained his weak spots. The heat of the pain was rushing through his body, like he was on fire.<br>He quickly rolled away, avoiding another hit.  
>He felt his hand touching some sticky liquid. JJ's blood.<br>Hotch forced himself up again.  
>He couldn't give up, no matter what.<br>Ray looked at him, smug, arrogant, taunting.  
>Killing two FBI-agents in one day, that must be his biggest accomplishment.<br>Ray opened his mouth, ready to make some smug comment, when Hotch dove towards him. Grabbing his waist and pulling him down.  
>He lifted his hand and punched Ray as hard as he could.<br>Ray became instantly dizzy.  
>Hotch lifted his hand again, let it crash into Ray's body.<br>"No.." Ray moaned.  
>But Hotch couldn't stop.<br>He couldn't stop from the moment he'd entered that hatch and he knew it. This could only result in either Ray's death or his.  
>"Please.." Ray begged.<br>Hotch saw the blood covering his face.  
>He was about to punch again when a hand stopped him.<br>"Hotch no!" someone yelled, it took two men to drag him away from Ray.  
>Morgan quickly checked for a pulse.<br>Nodded at Rossi.  
>He pushed Rossi away from him and crawled towards the blonde agent.<br>Pale, her eyes closed.  
>Bruises around her neck.<br>And wearing some sort of dress.  
>"JJ" he whispered, checking for a pulse.<br>But he was too impatient to sit and wait, he placed one of his arms under JJ's knees and the other under her back.  
>Lifted her up.<br>She was surprisingly light.  
>He pulled her body close to his, making sure that he supported her head.<br>He carried JJ out of the room.  
>Suddenly the small corridor was filled with policemen screaming and shouting under the guidance of det. Morris.<br>"Out of the way!" he shouted at his men, "let them through".  
>Everyone quickly stepped aside and backed off, allowing Hotch and JJ through.<br>Morris walked ahead of them, pushed some of his men out, clearing the way.  
>He helped carry JJ up the stairs.<br>"We need paramedics here!"  
>Finally they were surrounded by fresh air and daylight.<br>Hotch's eyes needed a moment to adjust.  
>Three paramedics were rushing towards them.<br>One of them grabbed JJ's armpits, while the others grabbed her legs and head.  
>Hotch felt some reluctance when he felt how his agent was carried out of his arms.<br>They carried her straight to one of the ambulances.  
>Hotch blindly followed her but was stopped by a paramedic that had suddenly showed up from nowhere.<br>"Follow me sir" he pointed to another ambulance.  
>"I rather ride along with my agent" the SSA tried to walk on, but the hands of another paramedic helped him stop.<br>"Sir we need to look at you, please come with us" he said and both of them tried to force him in an opposite direction from JJ's ambulance.  
>Cal Morris showed up beside him.<br>"It's okay agent Hotchner, I'll ride along with JJ, I'll look after her. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted" he promised.  
>And without further ado he ran off and joined JJ in the ambulance.<br>A loud siren was turned on and with that the ambulance disappeared from Hotch's sight.  
>Leaving him behind, with nothing to do but pray.<br>Pray that JJ would be okay, pray that she would still be alive... 


	23. Ch 22 - Holding on and letting go

**A/N: hey guys! First of all a happy new year ;) and I hope you guys had a great Christmas. I wanted to update this stay way sooner. So sorry for the delay. I can imagine that this chapter might be a bit 'boring' to read, but I still had fun writing it. It's mainly a contemplation of Hotch. I will try to update soon again and hope you guys are still reading this story :)**

_Holding on and letting go_

Hotch could barely keep track of what happened next.  
>He just knew that he was escorted to the other ambulance and Rossi joined him.<br>Before the paramedics could close the door of the ambulance he caught a glimpse of Ray lying on a stretcher surrounded by Reid, Morgan and some policemen.  
>Hotch had to take of his shirt.<br>"This will sting a little" someone said to him.  
>But he didn't feel a thing.<br>He could only see the motionless body of his blonde agent lying in her own blood.  
>She hadn't moved her chest.<br>She hadn't breathed.  
>He should've been sooner..<br>He should've moved faster..  
>He should've fight harder..<br>Hands gently pushed him on the cold stretcher.  
>And he lay his body down.<br>Closed his eyes and thought of Haley.  
>Thought of her voice.. of the last words she had said to him.. her last words ever...<br>_"I want him to believe in love, because it is the most important thing.. but you need to show him, promise me..."  
><em>The sound of a gun had ended her life, cruelly.  
>It was because of him. Because of his choices. Because of his job.<br>Haley asked him to stay, to take another job. He refused to leave the BAU. And because of it, because of his job, she had lost her life.  
>Was it worth it?<br>Was it worth the life of Haley? Was it worth the life of Jennifer Jareau?  
>All those long hours, all those human beings that were killing and torturing each other, all the lives they tried to save along the way, most of the time they failed, sometimes they got lucky and were able to save a child or woman.<br>But what did saving mean after all?  
>They shielded someone from a bullet or a knife, but did that mean they'd saved them?<br>Was it worth it?  
>Maybe it was time to pull out..<br>Suddenly his mind let him to his former mentor: Jason Gideon.  
>When Gideon reached the point that nothing made sense anymore he pulled out. Back in those days Hotch couldn't understand it. He didn't get why Gideon, their leader, would leave them. He didn't know how to explain it to himself let alone to explain it to the others. But now he knew.<br>Jason Gideon had always been not just a smart man, but also a wise man. And this time around, after all those years, Hotch could finally see that this too (him leaving, him letting go, him pulling out) was another wise decision.  
>A decision that he should've considered a long time ago.<br>The team deserved someone they could rely on. Just like Derek Morgan told him. And maybe he was no longer that man.  
>Yes, maybe it was time to pull out.<br>Time to spend the rest of his life living up to his promise to Haley and making amends to his son Jack.  
><em>How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss?<br>How many more times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this jobs take?_  
>It was something he'd wondered about his team many years ago.<br>But now he was wondering the same thing about himself.  
>His job already cost him Haley. It took a big part from him that he'd only recovered from after years of pain and suffering.<br>Hotch knew that if JJ didn't survive this, he wouldn't either.  
>He would never be able to pull out.<p>

"You got a pulse?"  
>"Give me those scissors"<br>"Here, hold this"  
>"Get her attached to the machinery"<br>"Jason, you got a pulse?!"  
>"Hold on"<br>"Yes! A got a pulse but it's very weak"  
>"The cut went to the bone"<br>"She's lost a lot of blood"  
>"Get her on some oxygen"<br>"Is she going to make it Linda?"  
>"Hand me that"<br>"Linda?"  
>"We don't know Cal"<br>"How is her heartbeat? Is it steady?"  
>"Yes, weak but steady"<br>"Good"  
>"Linda she needs to make it... She can't die you hear me?"<br>"Cal please, we're doing everything we can. You need to let go of her hand now"  
>"How much longer?"<br>"4 minutes"  
>"That's too long"<br>"Her pulse is irregular now"  
>"This isn't good"<br>"She has lost too much blood. Prepare for her body to go into shock"  
>"We need to stabilize her"<br>"I got no more pulse!"  
>"Damn it, start CPR"<br>"Hold on JJ!"  
>"Any sign of a pulse?"<br>"No pulse"  
>"Come on, don't leave me hanging here"<br>"Again"  
>"We're losing her"<br>"Stay with me JJ.."


	24. Ch 23 - The beats of your heart

**A/N: I've been terrible with updating. I must admit the holidays kind of shook me out of the writing flow. I still hope you guys like the story and where it's heading. Thnx for the reviews.**

_The beats of your heart_

_Beep.. beep.. beep.. beep.._

In any normal circumstances the constant beep would've probably irritated him, but now it was all he wanted and needed to hear.  
>The beeps of her heart.<p>

Hotch looked at her.  
>Pale, bruised, fragile..<br>But alive.  
>And that was all that mattered.<br>He had nothing to which he could compare what he had felt in those long hours since he'd arrived at the hospital.  
>He had been torn between hoping and bracing himself.<br>Each time that he hoped that everything was going to be okay, that JJ would survive this just like always, that she would be alive, he was scared that it was false hope. Scared that the blow of her death would only be harder and more difficult this way. So he countered it. Trying to brace himself for the worst scenario. But when he thought about her dying his mind blocked. He just couldn't go there. So he started to hope again, and that circle repeated itself the whole day.  
>It drove him desperate.<br>Finally there was one thing left for him to do, one thing he hadn't done and countless years, and that was to pray.

The doctors had patched up his arm, but he had to undergo surgery for his hand. The knife had cut his tendons and the plastic surgeon had to stitch them up again.  
>His team members were all waiting outside in the waiting room of the ER. But Hotch didn't feel like joining them.<br>He wanted to be alone.  
>So he stayed in his room, but after a while the door opened and none other than detective Morris entered the room.<br>He didn't say anything.  
>Just handed him a cardboard cup from the hospital and poured some sort of liquor from his small flask in it.<br>"Medicine" Cal said.  
>He hopped next to him on his bed and took a zip from his flask.<br>And even though it probably wasn't such a good idea, Hotch copied him.  
>He felt the warmth spread from his throat to his body and instantly felt a little bit better.. Or better.. he felt less worse.<br>They just sat there together, no one spoke a word, both staring in front of them.  
>Taking zips from their drinks.<br>He wanted to ask Cal if JJ was still alive in the ambulance, if she'd breathed, if it looked good, how her chances were.  
>But he was too afraid of the answers.<br>A knock on the door broke the silence.  
>A doctor he hadn't met before entered the room.<br>"Agent Hotchner?" she stretched out her hand and Hotch quickly shook it.  
>"I'm doctor Hallaway, how are you doing?"<br>How on earth was he supposed to answer that?  
>"Linda, what's the news?" Cal intervened.<br>Linda looked at both men and nodded.  
>"Well she's alive" she said.<br>Those words were like a magic spell. An incredible weight was lifted from his heart. No matter what she was to say next, JJ was still alive..  
>He could here Cal exhale next to him.<br>"At the moment she's stable, but I must say it was a close call. When she was in the ambulance she had a weak but regular pulse.."  
>"That's good right?" Hotch could hear himself interrupt.<br>"Yes, that's very good. Because as long as there's a pulse the heart is till pumping the blood through the body. And as we all know the blood carries the oxygen to the brain. So her brain was still provided with oxygen at that time. But because of the cut on her thigh agent Jareau has lost a lot of blood. At one point her body went into shock and we lost her pulse. We had to give CPR and we were able to successfully reanimate her. However at this point it's unsure how much oxygen deprivation she'd suffered and if and how she's going to wake up."  
>Hotch tried to process her words.<br>"What do you mean, if she wakes up?"  
>Linda Hallaway swallowed.<br>"Well, the next couple of hours are crucial. We need her to wake up, if she does, her chances of full recovery are very good, but if she doesn't.." she was thinking how to put it "... well than chances of recovery are slim to say the least."  
>"Is there a chance that she doesn't wake up?" Cal asked shocked.<br>Linda nodded.  
>"I'm afraid so."<br>"Well how big is that chance?" the detective sounded almost angry.  
>"It's very hard to tell. I'm sorry, now it's a waiting game. I'm sorry Cal" she added when she saw the detective's mouth open again ready to protest.<br>"Agent Hotchner" she looked at the SSA "is there any family I should contact?"  
>Hotch was overwhelmed by that question.<br>"I, I d-don't really know" he stuttered, searching his memory for any notion of JJ's relatives. But JJ was a private person, just like him, never sharing much about her personal life. He knew that she had a mother, but had no clue if she even had a father or other important relatives. Or what kind of relation she had with her mother.  
>Doctor Hallaway raised an eyebrow.<br>"I mean, yes her mother I guess. Uhm.. Sarah.. oh no wait, Sandy Jareau.."  
>She immediately wrote it down.<br>"Any other persons you can think of?"  
>His face turned red.<br>"We must have a contact list. We can ask our technical analyst, agent Rossi is in the waiting room he can give her a call" the doctor nodded and didn't ask any further.  
>She turned around.<br>"Wait!" Hotch got of the bed "can we see her?"  
>Linda hesitated.<br>"Just for a little while?" he tried.  
>"Okay then, but only one" she said.<br>Hotch looked over at Cal, who gave him a firm nod.  
>"Come with me."<br>Hotch felt the sweat in his palms and the beating of his heart when they walked to her room.  
><em><br>Beep.. beep.. beep.. beep.._

In any normal circumstances the constant beep would've probably irritated him, but now it was all he wanted and needed to hear.  
>The beeps of her heart.<p>

Hotch looked at her.  
>Pale, bruised, fragile..<br>But alive.  
>And that was all that mattered.<p>

He grabbed a chair and sat down next to her.  
>"JJ" he whispered "you got to wake up JJ, you hear me."<br>He felt a lump in his throat. He never talked to her like this.  
>He heard Linda shuffle behind him.<br>"You've done so well, you've fought so hard. I'm really proud of you."  
>He had to blink a couple of times to stop his tears from falling.<br>"You know we're all here for you, you just got to open your eyes okay? It's going to be alright, all you have to do is open them for us.. for me.."  
>Nothing changed, she didn't move or blink or gave any sign that she heard him.<br>He looked over at the doctor.  
>"You can just sit with her, talk to her" she encouraged.<br>But he was running out of words to say.  
>He looked at her, her eyes shut, some hair covering her face. Bruises everywhere.<br>There was so much that he felt, but he couldn't find words that begin to describe it.  
>So instead of talking he slowly touched her hand. Carefully stroking it making sure that he wouldn't touch the drip.<br>It was ice cold.  
>He tried to warm it. Holding her hand safely into his. He never held her hand. In all those years that they've known each other he never been so close with her. But she didn't know..<br>Holding her hand felt good, felt right.  
>He sat there for about an hour, stroking her hand, saying some words, sometimes interrupted by doctors that had to run some tests.<br>After that hour he was joined by agent Reid. Apparently they'd allowed one other person with JJ and naturally that person was Reid.  
>Spencer Reid had always been close to JJ. In the first year they've known each other he had even a crush on her. Hotch had always ignored it, knowing that it would dissolve on its own. He knew that JJ wasn't into him like that.<br>But what had remained was a special sort friendship between them.  
>"JJ.." he greeted nervously letting his eyes rest on JJ's and Hotch's entangled hands.<br>Hotch felt like he was caught. He inhibited the urge to pull back his hand. That would only look more suspicious.  
>He gestured Reid to sit next to him.<br>The young profiler grabbed a chair.  
>He wasn't much of a talker either, especially not in these odd kind of circumstances.<br>He looked at their hands again.  
>"The doctor said that familiar touch and sound might nudge JJ to open her eyes" Hotch partially lied, to offer some sort of explanation.<br>Reid nodded, stretching out his hand.  
>Reluctant Hotch let JJ's hand go so Reid could take over.<br>"JJ, you're way too young to not open your eyes" he said, tears falling down his face.  
>He wiped them off with his sleeve.<br>"I'm sorry I didn't immediately believe you when you told us there was a man in your room. I'm sorry that the signal was intercepted.. "  
>Hotch glanced over at him.<br>He didn't know that. Why would Reid have doubt it?  
>More tears were making their way down his cheeks.<br>There was an awkward silence, as if Reid actually waited for a response.  
>"It's okay Reid" Hotch finally said, speaking on her behalf "it's not your fault."<br>Reid shook his head.  
>"Will she wake up?" he asked his superior.<br>Hotch took a deep breath.  
>"I don't know.."<br>Reid sniveled.  
>"If she regains consciousness will she ever be the same?" he asked with a tremble in his voice.<br>Hotch scraped his throat.  
>"I don't know Reid.. Let's just focus on her waking up okay?"<br>Reid nodded.  
>He sat up straight.<br>"Hey JJ, I've got Garcia download some of the music you like" he said sweetly and grabbed his phone.  
>The music filled the room and the men silently looked at her.<br>A couple of hours went by.  
>They rotated their turns.<br>All saying some sweet words, each in their own way.  
>Cal Morris stopped by to provide them with some food and drinks, for they hadn't had a decent meal all day.<br>The doctors kept poking JJ, giving her painful stings, trying to wake her up.  
>But JJ still remained the same.<br>It was growing dark and with each hour they became more desperate.  
>"Hotch, take a break, get some fresh air" Rossi encouraged<br>Hotch felt reluctant to leave her side, but his head was so tired. He needed some air.  
>He stood up and wanted to let go of her hand.<br>But in that moment he felt something.  
>His heart skipped a beat.<br>"JJ?" he whispered and swirled around.  
>He leaned towards her.<br>"JJ can you do that again?"  
>The doctors quickly joined them.<br>Hotch leaned a bit further.  
>His face a few inches away from hers.<br>He desperately wanted to feel it again.  
>"Come on JJ, I know you can do it."<br>There it was!  
>For everyone to see.<br>She squeezed his hand.  
>Rossi's mouth dropped. The doctors rushed toward her.<br>"Agent Jareau, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?" Linda asked.  
>Her eyelids started to move.<br>Hotch couldn't suppress a smile, and once he started he couldn't stop. The relieve and joy was immense.  
>JJ opened her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes.<p> 


	25. Ch 24 - Unspoken

**A/N: Another chapter :) Thx everyone for following this story and taking the time to read it. Working towards the ending now. Hope you like it ^^**

_Unspoken  
><em> 

Jennifer Jareau felt like regaining fully consciousness was like trying to get out of quick sand.  
>The harder she tried, the quicker she was worn out and felt into darkness again.<br>Due to the meds and due to her tiredness her brain didn't make any memories during all of this.  
>The first thing she could actively remember was waking up and seeing a tall figure of a man leaning against the doorpost of her room.<br>Her mouth was dry.

"Hotch?" her voice sounded like sandpaper.

The man unfolded his arms and walked towards her.

"You've got two more guesses" a southern accent reached her ears.

She searched her memory.  
>"Cal.." she said after a while.<p>

He sat down next to her on the bed, looking at her.  
>Handsome as always.<br>His brown hair properly combed, but still looking a bit wild.  
>His green eyes with a playful sparkle.<br>Without saying something he grabbed a cup of water and held it in front of her.  
>Gratefully she let the water soothe her sore throat.<br>It was like someone smashed her vocal chords.  
>She pointed to it.<p>

"They _intubated you. So it might still be a bit sore" he said empathically._

_"Where is the team?" she managed to scrape the words together._

_"They're back at the station wrapping up the case. Helping out with the paperwork, that kind of stuff. But I'm sure that if you want to see them, I can give them a call and they'll be here in no time."_

_JJ shook her head.  
>"No, it's okay."<em>

_She closed her eyes._

_"So you got him?"_

_Cal grinned.  
>"Sure we did, you helped us catch him."<em>

_"Good, that's good" she affirmed._

_"Yeah" he said absent while she could see his eyes wondering off ".. you know JJ, I would've never suggested you to lure him if I had known that you were abducted before."_

_She didn't know whether to nod or shake her head, so she made an inbetween move._

_"I know" she sighed "that's why I didn't tell you."_

_He looked at her with a surprised look then shook his head and laughed.  
>"Wow, I knew that you were kickass."<em>

_The corners of her mouth curled up.  
>She liked the way he looked at her. Familiar, eye to eye, same level, she didn't feel like a victim around him.<br>As if life wasn't so heavy when he was around.  
>He raised his eyebrows and pointed with his head to a wheelchair in the corner of her room.<em>

_"So are you already up for a wheelchair race?" _

_Her recovery went relatively quick and well.  
>She was shocked when she first saw her reflection in the image.<br>Black bruises covered her throat, a cut in her cheek, her arms covered with bruises as well and underneath the bandage on her hip was forming scar tissue. The clash against the ground had caused a _light concussion and left a wound a_t the back of her head.  
>She was hit by waves of nausea when she made abrupt movements or stood up too fast.<em>

_Garcia couldn't help herself, she had to buy a plane ticket from Quantico to Alaska. No one could stop her._

_"Penelope!" JJ said surprised once she saw her curly blonde friend enter her room "you're here!"  
>Garcia buried JJ in her hug.<em>

_"Of course I am. Anything for family right?" she said reminding JJ of her own words._

_Her team, mostly Reid and Garcia, treated her as a_porcelain doll.  
>Automatically lowering their voices when they were around her. Whenever she wanted to grab something they quickly took over. Asking her if she was feeling well, if she was okay. She kept saying she was fine, okay, kept reassuring them. But of course she was far from okay.<br>Only her boss didn't force her to lie, most of the times he stood behind the others, not saying much, observing her.

He was about to say something when Morgan entered the room, looking serious, whispering something in Hotch's ear. She saw the expression on his face change from serious to dead serious and worried. He gave him a nod, and both of the men walked out of the room.  
>JJ got a nervous feeling in her stomach. She wanted to know what they were talking about. Whether it was about that Ray who abducted her.<p>

Garcia kept on chattering about the nurses, the town, the weather even. Filling her head with her words, exhausting her. But she didn't want to hurt her feelings so she kept on nodding and replying, trying to keep up with the chatter.

She sighed, Garcia immediately stopped.

"I'm sorry angel eyes, I'm making you tired with all my talk."

"Oh no, no, it's not that" JJ lied "I just got a little nauseous."  
>She stretched out her legs, sat on her bed.<p>

"I really want to take a walk" she explained to the crowd looking stunned at her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Reid asked carefully.

"Yeah I'm sure, I'm fine guys don't worry" she pushed herself of the bed, ignored the dizzy feeling she got in her head.

Reid stretched out his arm, ready to grab her. But she ignored it as well, trying to proof that she could do this.  
>The cut in her hip caused a painful sting. She bit on her lip.<br>Showed them a smile as she shuffled toward the door. She nearly reached it, when it swung open.  
>JJ lost her balance and bumped in to Hotch.<br>She felt his hands around her arms, as she became lightheaded. He wrapped one arm around her to keep her from falling. A manly scent reached her brain.

"JJ, I'm sorry!" she felt his breath on her skin "what are you doing out of bed? Are you okay?"

For a moment she caved in, her head was so heavy and instead of pulling back she bowed her head and let it rest on Hotch's chest. She could feel his heartbeats.  
>His body froze for a second and she realized what she was doing. She quickly took a step back.<br>"I'm sorry, I needed some fresh air, stretch my legs" she let her hands run through her hair and showed him a smile.

He looked at her, his eyes intense, it seems like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. He didn't let go of her arms though.  
>His eyes searched for his team members and he gave them a stern look, like he couldn't believe that they let her walk alone like this.<p>

She was guided back to bed.

"Well" he sighed, "Derek told me that we might have a new case in Kansas."

JJ's heart stopped. A new case..

"So soon already?" Garcia didn't hide her disapproval.

"Can't we sit this one out?" Rossi asked.

Hotch shook his head.

"Otherwise I would say yes, but this one is about children. There have been 3 children abducted in only 2 months."

Children, it was the magical word. Whenever children were involved the team would put everything aside and rush to the case.  
>It became silent in the room. The heads turned to JJ.<br>She swallowed.

"Go! I will be fine, just go!" she said as convincing and cheerful as she could.  
>Like she wasn't scared to be alone.<p>

"Hotch.." Garcia looked at her boss to see if there wasn't any way around this.

Hotch looked closely at JJ.

"We' re not going to leave you behind JJ" he said "Dave, Garcia and Reid I want you to join Morgan at the plane and fly to Kansas. You're going to work the case. I'll stay and try to help from here. You can call me anytime."

"But Hotch, I could stay here if you want?" Garcia said.

"They need your skills" their boss answered vaguely.

The team nodded.

Garcia had to wipe away a tear while hugging her friend.

"Hold on sweetie, we'll see each other soon."

JJ patted her back.  
>One by one they hugged her, or squeezed their shoulder. Saying some sweet words of goodbyes. <p>

When everyone was gone Hotch closed the door.  
>An immense tranquility filled the room. Finally she felt like she could breathe again.<p>

"Hotch, you could've gone with them. I wouldn't have mind" JJ wondered why he didn't. Garcia could've worked the case from here.

Hotch didn't reply. Instead he took a deep breath and walked towards her. Suddenly JJ became afraid. She could feel that he was building up to something. Something that the others couldn't be a part of.

That fear only increased when he sat next to her on the side of the bed.

"Ray Franklin, the man that abducted you" Hotch added unnecessarily "has been transported to another town where he'll have to wait for his trial. Meanwhile detective Morris is working with the district attorney to build the case. Well it's not very hard to get a conviction, because there's a lot of evidence against him."

For some reason Hotch stopped talking, he broke eye contact and looked at his hands.

JJ could feel her heart pounding in her throat.  
>"Well don't leave me in suspense" she tried to joke.<p>

The corners of his mouth curled up a bit, but his eyes remained somber.

"We need to have a statement of you, of what happened."

JJ's heart dropped.  
>Sure, of course, a statement. How could she have forgotten about that.<p>

"Now either I could take that statement or detective Morris. Whoever you feel more comfortable with" he said gently.

"With you is just fine" she heard how small her voice sounded.

Hotch nodded.  
>"Okay, well we don't have to do it right away. It can wait a little."<p>

"No, no that's okay. Let's do it now" she tried to convince herself even more than she tried to convince Hotch.

"If you're sure.." he hesitated.

"Of course."

"Okay" he looked at her, his eyes sharp "what do you remember?"

She swallowed. Don't overthink it, just let the words come out.

"Well I must have been sedated, because it took me a lot of effort to wake up and stay conscious. I remember he entered the room and I believe he asked me some questions but I can't remember them. The room was dark and small. The door was heavy. Underground I think" her tone was distant. She stayed with the facts, kept far away from her feelings. She had to, or else she was going to drown in them.

Hotch let her go on, without interrupting.

"He left me alone for a while. I lost track of time, so I have no idea for how long. When he came back he..." she shook her head, she had a feeling but didn't know how to phrase it "..he was different.."

Hotch tilted his head.

"Different how?"

"I guess his attitude. First he was very calm I guess, but the second time I saw him he was angry, aggressive. Like something had triggered him. He was more out of control. He pinned me to the wall and he.. he..." she choked.

The fibers of her soul started trembling.  
>And her body followed. She felt how her hands started to shake and quickly hid them under the blankets.<p>

"JJ, you don't have to.. we can take a break.. It's okay.." her boss looked in agony himself.

"He started to touch me, I tried to fight him of but he just kept going, he kissed me. His hands were.. just.. all over me. I scratch him, then he stabbed me" she ignored him, she had to give her statement anyway, better get it over with "after that he smashed me to the ground."

Hotch averted his eyes, placed a hand in front of his mouth like he was going to be sick.

"Everything went black.." she said in a whisper.

After that she saw her sister, like a little gift from heaven. She looked at her boss. Should she tell about that? Did she want to?

"What? What is it?" he asked softly.

She shook her head.

"When I regained consciousness he was gone. I don't know why he didn't just finish the job, but I was alone. I positioned myself next to the door and when he came back into the room I attacked him. He fell to the ground and I tried to escape but I was too dizzy. That must've been right before you saved me" her voice was calm, just like the way she felt when it had happened.

Hotch looked at her, breathless.

"JJ" he scraped his throat, his eyes stared deep into hers "that was an incredible courageous thing to do."

She could feel the atmosphere change in the room.

He stared for her a bit too long, it made her nervous and somehow it all felt so right. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach and felt her cheeks turned red.

JJ broke the contact and stared at her hand.

Why did her boss made her feel this way?  
>She felt so damn special those rare times he looked at her. Like he really saw her and was captured by it.<br>Her heart pounded a little bit harder and her hands became a little more sweaty.

Moment like these were rare, but once they'd arrived she was never able to suppress or deny what happened to her.

"Hotch.." his name left her mouth in an exhale.

"Yes?" he said softly.

There was something on her mind. Something she didn't dare to ask but had to know.  
>She swallowed.<p>

The tension in the room was building. His eyes lingered.

"During the time that I was unconscious..." she didn't know how to proceed, but if there was one person she could ask this than it was Hotch "... during the time that I was out.. did he... was I.. were there any signs of assault to my body that I should know about?"

She looked up, her eyes became teary and she hated it.

Hotch looked at her. His expression was concerned. He shook his head.

"No. There were no signs discovered on your body that indicated that he assaulted you in that way.."

JJ sighed and quickly wiped away a tear that had left the corner of her eye.

"Okay" she nodded relieved.

He gave her a faint smile.

She looked at him. Despite him aging he was still as handsome as the day he'd hired her. His eyes that could capture yours, that could pierce all the way down to your core and read it like an open book. His black hair accentuating the strong facial features. But the most attractive thing about him was his genuine protective and fighting spirit. If he'd cared for you, nothing could stop him from keeping you safe. She'd seen it in many cases. The way he'd sheltered children, or teenagers or others that for some reason couldn't defend themselves.  
>She'd followed him blindly and he'd never harmed that trust.<p>

JJ felt her heart beating faster. She blinked a couple of times. She couldn't let her thoughts take her to that place. That place where she felt so good, happy, safe. And that place that inevitably caused heartbreak.

"Would you mind going?" her voice sounded rough and she kept her eyes fixated on her hands "I'm just really tired and want to rest."

"Sure, of course. I'll write down your statement and I'll be back later" she heard his voice say.

A pain was poking her heart, shouting something at her. But she silenced the voice and closed her eyes. Ready to forget.


End file.
